From The Desk of a Single Mom: Baby Daddy Syndrome; It’s Time to Heal…

How many of you single moms are still hurt over your baby daddy?

He left you for other woman?

He left you to raise the kids all alone?

He doesn’t respond when you call or text?

He doesn’t spend time with his kids?

He doesn’t provide any kind of support?

I can keep going but I think you get my point!

There are so many young ladies and women still hurt about baby daddy! Chasing him down; stalking him! Why? He has shown you his true intentions! He has shown you his real character! Even before he left or you kicked him out; he was acting and doing the same things. Why are you surprised or hurt? You thought he would change? People only change when they want too! Not when you put demands on them that don’t fit into their lifestyle! He is good playing around in these streets; why would you want to be apart of that! Why would you want your kids to be included in that kind of life? Nobody wants that kind of drama! Yes, I know it’s hard but he isn’t going to make it any better!

I am speaking from experience! I got tired of all the other women staking their claim, calling his phone all times of the day and night, I got tired of finding weave strands in my car (I wasn’t wearing wigs or weave back then); why put yourself through that?

Love, doesn’t hurt! Love, doesn’t abuse, Love doesn’t use, Love doesn’t mimic, Love doesn’t walk out the door into the arms of another woman!

We all know 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; memorize and meditate on it! This is what real love looks and feels like! Not some cheap version some of these guys are pushing around and distributing to unsuspecting candidates!

The best thing I could do was to release! I had to Let Go and Let God! This wasn’t going to be my Battle anymore! I wasn’t going to be hung up on a grown boy; who didn’t respect or love me! Who didn’t want to handle his responsibility as a father! I had to take my power back; get my life and raise my kids the best I could; with the help of my Heavenly Father!

Yes, some of you have your squad, your village, your circle; but hear me when I tell you; you need some God in your life! When you can’t reach anyone else; He is always there!

Unlock the chains of that Baby Daddy Syndrome! Break-Free….

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

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And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

Baby Daddy Season is Over…

First of all, this post isn’t about bashing or putting down anyone! It’s all about respect and both parties learning and knowing how to respect the other person and having boundaries!

Let’s begin:

Have you ever heard the saying “you teach people how to treat you?” My uncle told me something similar years ago; and I always remember his words. Especially when I find myself in a situation where someone isn’t fully respecting me, my time; my space, etc.

As a single mom I shouldn’t have to accommodate; baby daddy and make his life easier! It doesn’t work that way; it’s suppose to be treated like a partnership; 50-50; right?

Without telling all my business and making him look like a real deadbeat; I will share some of what I am constantly going through with this dude; because I know other single moms can relate!

He says he will get the kids this day or that day and then at the last minute; he can’t get them anymore! There have been numerous times he didn’t even say anything; he just didn’t show! Each time I have had to pick the pieces of my boys hearts up off the floor; me not him! I have to deal with their anger of why he didn’t come and get them; me not him!

So over the years I have had to take a stand and say no more! I have a back up option just in case he doesn’t show up; so their hearts aren’t completely crushed! This recent incident I gave him the common courtesy to work out a day that I could drive them halfway to him (because he never wants to drive the whole way) and he never responded! So I got my back up plan in place and it was smooth sailing until 3 days later; he wants to respond and tell me not ask, this is when I can get them. Excuse me sir; we have plans and we aren’t changing them to accommodate you!

How dare I do that? It’s sad, but after all these years this guy still doesn’t respect me and never will! I understand this and realized this years ago! You control how people treat you! You can’t continue to allow people to walk over you and use you as their door mate!

Have you heard this saying? “You reap what you sow!” This is another saying that I keep in the back of my mind; and it applies to all of us. I can only control what I do and how I react to things. Am I being difficult; no I am just asking for the same courtesy; respect!

Even though he doesn’t respect me; I respect myself. I put those boundaries in place and he can’t cross them; because I am in control of my thoughts and how I react!

How many of us; as single moms, have bent over backwards to accommodate baby daddies; who don’t respect us or care how they hurt our children when they don’t do right?

When will it stop?

I had a pastor tell me; I should do everything in my power so my kids can see their father! Really, when he doesn’t even want to lift a hand? When he doesn’t respond to a simple text or call? When he goes out of his way not to pay child support? I’m sorry; who is that helping?

This is the reality of so many women, single moms and their kids! This is the life we live; not the life we have chosen….

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

Spiritual Sundays: Broken but Alive

Have you ever had something break in your life and thought at that time you would surely die? It was the end of your world; there was no coming back?

Well I’m here to tell you dry those tears; get your mind and thoughts in check and move forward! Climb that mountain! Cross that river! Ride that cloud! And just rejoice!

Everything that seems like it’s your worst day can turn into the best life lesson and motivation that you need to reach your next level!

When Jesus told Peter to get out the boat; did Peter say no or did he get out? Yes he took his eyes of Jesus for a mere second but he knew that without Jesus he couldn’t do it! (Matthew 14:22-33)

When God told Noah to build the Ark, did Noah say nope just let me and my family go down like everybody else? No, he got to working and building! (Genesis 6:1-22)

When Adam trusted Eve more than he did God and was banished from the Garden; did he give up and say I’m done and just whither away? No, he still went on to live and multiply in the Earth! (Genesis 3:1-23)

Abraham and Sarai: she felt empty and broken and would’ve rather given her husband to another woman than to wait on God! (Genesis 16:1-15; Genesis 18:1-15)

What have you done in your season of brokenness that would appear out of order? Did you go out and react on your own or did you wait on God? Many times there are lessons, healing, revelations, clarity, marching orders, quiet time, etc; in the midst of your brokenness!

This past week I slipped and fell trying to prevent an even bigger disaster from happening and ended up breaking my ankle and my foot! As I went down I knew something was wrong and on my own I couldn’t fix it; as my brother rushed to my side he immediately began to comfort me and reassure me it wasn’t as bad as it looked; I was going to be fine! (At first glance, rush of pain and the sound of something breaking; I was sure my leg was broken and my heart just dropped)

Long story but here’s the short version; yes I broke two areas that I need to effectively stand up and proceed to walk into the life that God has designed for me. But, somewhere in the midst He requires us to rest and recharge ourselves!

You see we always think of the bad and not the in between! Yes, for me this may look like a set-back but in God’s eyes He is preparing me for something so big and so awesome that He knew I would need time to adjust! (Genesis 2:2, Matthew 14:23, Luke 6:12, Luke 5:15-16, Mark 6:31, Mark 1:35)

Where in your life are you feeling broken?

What areas do you feel you can work on?

How can you get past the thoughts of brokenness?

Have you tried to pray and ask for guidance and clarity?

Don’t rush the process. Use this time wisely and figure out what You need to do! Whatever the situation look at the bright side of it! In the in-between is where you will find your answers and solutions!

Written and Published by Tamara D McCarthy for Spiritual Sundays series (Tamara McCarthy Enterprises) © 2017 Copyrighted Material

Website: http://www.tamaramccarthyenterprises.com

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Coaching needed?

Contact me @ singlemomofpurpose@gmail.com

Have a book you are ready to birth?

Life has you lost in translation?

Feeling broken?

Single mom at her wits end?

Do you have lots of questions and no answers?

All of these situations and more require assistance; is a Coach required? Reach out today…

Kingdom Gals: “Why Me, God?” Guest Blogger-Tanisha Shanee

Growing up I knew I was different. From daycare, I did not care to go outside and play with my classmates, I was in the books and practicing my penmanship. I was in pursuit of finding “It”. Now, what was it? I did not know, but I was looking for it. I knew there was something I needed to achieve and even at the young age of 3, I was looking for it. So this made school very easy for me because I figured whatever I was looking for was in one of those textbooks. Man… was I wrong. LOL.

I can laugh about it now, but I do wish I understood where it was a lot longer because it would’ve saved me a lot of student loan debt – I finished high school at 16, graduated college at 20, got my MBA, and is 99% completed with my PhD – I am a ABD (all but dissertation). See, I spent my life thinking if I learned more in school I would find happiness, the answer to what I was looking for, and high recognition. But, after every completion of a degree or milestone I still felt like, “Nope, that wasn’t it.”

People never understood why I was so depressed and attempted suicide several times in my life. I was getting very annoyed with trying to figure out why despite having everything that people classified as being successful, I was still incomplete. None of that stuff seemed to matter. This was so frustrating.

In 2012, I started my weight loss journey and when I tell people, it was so unexpected how things turned rapidly in my life See, I cried out to God because I needed His help to lose the weight. I was tired of the many failed diet attempts, the expensive weight loss products, and the memberships I never used. I needed something that would help me change my mind and I guess I would give God a try. But, see God has his own plan and the more you listen to what He presents, you will find yourself trying to figure out, “Well, how in the heck did I end up here?”

2016 was definitely a trigger year. God was sitting directly in my face and was making me very uncomfortable. Here I was receiving so many “downloads” and they were heavy. God was sending me to scripture and I was being told to “release it.” I did not understand why me? I was not a preacher or minister, so why was God sending these messages to me? One day I came across a Pastor from California on Periscope and he said to me, “You cannot run from who you are. God will use anyone, so accept it.” It was so strange because society told me otherwise, but I had to trust God because He did not stop sending the messages, so that meant something, right?

But, despite feeling uncomfortable and not qualified, I felt peace – a peace I never felt before. Had I found it? Did I reach the destination that I was looking for all my life? The wisdom that I was told I had from a child was starting to make sense – it was wisdom from the Lord. God was giving me downloads since I was a child. But, like any other uncomfortable destination, I was worried about this because I was encountering situations that I could not describe; therefore, I wouldn’t tell people. Like random strangers reaching out to me on Facebook asking me to pray for them because “God told me to come to you.” Even though I did not feel comfortable praying with them, I did and they experienced healing. WHAT? Come on, God, you cannot do that? But, I had to accept God can do all things and He will use who He wants to use.

One day I asked God a bold question, “Why did you give this to me? Was this what I sought after all these years?” I imagined my destination would look a lot different. I had accepted that I was a teacher, so I embraced that. I thought I would be a dean at a college, but I guess God said, nope… You’ll be another type of educator.

It is not easy, but every time I release a message from the Lord, I just let it be. When God tells me to do something, I just do it. I understand what when I show up and help someone or speak, I am bringing someone closer to God. When I do not know the person I must give a message to, I no longer think that I am a weirdo because it could be the answer they have been waiting on. When I am sent someone to speak, I know to invite the Holy Spirit with me on that stage because when He does, it is bound to turn the place out – literally.

If you are wondering why you too, don’t. Embrace the calling on your life. Allow God to use you in the manner and way He desires. You are more qualified to complete the mission. You are not a weirdo nor strange – you are gifted and wonderfully made. Get to that destination and get there quickly because the sooner you accept who you are, the people that need you will be able to reach their greatest potential – you are the missing piece.

Tanisha Shanee

Inspirational Speaker

2017 Copyrighted Material Used With Permission (Kingdom Gals Series)

Spiritual Sundays: When Love Hurts

In the Bible we are taught that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

I didn’t come to find this out until many years later. I didn’t know love was supposed to hurt; especially if both people felt the same way. He always said he loved me but he would beat me down like a dog! He would treat me as his punching bag! Each and every time it seemed like the punches got harder and harder!

But, every time it was over he said he was sorry and that he loved me. Did that make it okay? I wouldn’t call the police if I thought he loved me? Was he telling me that because he knew I would believe him?

Why do young ladies and women fall for abusive guys? These types of guys are good at hiding their true identity; and good at appearing to being a good guy or a gentlemen until that “honeymoon phase” is over. That time frame depends on the people and the situation! They are charming, they say all the right things and they know just what to say.

Many young ladies and women go through an identity crisis and fall victim to these guys; I was one of them! I didn’t know my true self, I didn’t know the power that I had, I didn’t know I was beautiful and wonderfully made, I didn’t know that Our Heavenly Father loved me and I was his, and I didn’t know that there was an enemy out there roaming the land seeking whom he could devour; who he could come to steal from, kill or destroy!

Domestic violence is real and countless young ladies and women go through this by someone that claims to love them! Many of them don’t make it out alive. So many times could’ve been my last! Real love doesn’t hurt and it doesn’t seek you out to kill you!

Copyrighted 2017 Tamara McCarthy Enterprises (Spiritual Sundays series)

To read any of my books go to bit.ly/freeyourmind2017

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Kingdom Gals: When Opportunity Knocks

When opportunity knocks; do you go running or do you stop and pray?

Now you may ask why am I praying? It’s simple to know from who did this opportunity come!

It may very well be a test from God or a setup from the enemy! And yes it can also be a blessing but you want to check the fruit! Is it good or bad?

The book of Job gives us many examples to know the difference and also realize the possibility that it may not be what our natural eye is seeing. Everyone around Job thought and believed he had done something to be dealing with all these hardships but in fact it was God proving a point! The enemy just knew he was going to break him and he would have the victory but yet once again he was proven wrong!

In the book of Luke you see yet again the enemy is out to get you and sift you like wheat! Do you know the process that wheat has to go through?

The first step in the manual process is for the wheat to be placed on a hard surface and then beaten into the required form. The next step is to remove the parts that aren’t needed by throwing it in the air. Now that was before technology made its debut.

The mechanical process is done by cutting-scooping-throwing-separating and then being spit out into a dump truck or trailer; like its trash! Both of these processes sound painful!

When your in a negative situation it feels like your being sifted! It hurts from the cuts and the jabs that you deal with! Being treated like a doormat and being talked down too! Being kicked down and instead of someone reaching down to help you; they move in to kick you as well!

What is the point of all this? Seek out and accept the right opportunity for the right outcome! Don’t just accept something because it looks and sounds good! And the same goes for relationships! For us as women! Kingdom women you want to check the fruit, check their motives, their character, check your gut (do you get a bad feeling), check their background! Everyone isn’t who they say they are; people will get you caught up and messed up!

So when opportunity comes a knocking; check it at the door and be ready to pull back those layers to get to the root! The root will tell you all you need to know! Get ready to dig!!

2017 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises (Kingdom Gals Series)

Don’t Be So: #SpiritualSundays


Don’t Be So! Written by Evangelist Angie Bee

Don’t be so consumed with the integrity of your work, that you miss an opportunity to minister. Have you ever seen those TV commercials where the child is questioning her parent’s love, because they are cleaning the home on a Saturday instead of spending time with her? Are we busy doing “things” instead of building relationships? Are you missing out on opportunities to share your thoughts, wisdom and love?
Don’t be so effected by your damaged feelings that you forget to pray for your enemies.

In the July 9, 2017 issue of #SpiritualSundays, Ms. McCarthy wrote about “Church Hurt” and how the pain can change your perception of religion, people and even yourself. The article continues to talk about how the devil’s job is to steal from you, kill you and those around you and destroy your perception of life and God’s love for you. This is SO TRUE! We can not let the nudge from an enemy change the pathway that God has placed you upon. When the rock is thrown through your window, you do move out of the house? No! you repair the window! When the house catches on fire, you rebuild! Don’t let the actions or the words from another cause you to feel so much pain that you withdraw from your own path and fail to pray for others. Your prayers may initiate the change in their life that they need!
Don’t be so focused on the Spirit of Excellence that you procrastinate on accomplishing the anointing that was placed on your life, in that moment.

I have spoken to several people over the years that had “visions of grandeur” in terms of a new business or a desired lifestyle. “My business will have state of the art equipment where can provide exceptional service to my clients” or they will say “My home will look like this or my car will be that and people will come to Christ because they want to live like me!”
Over the years, these SAME people have not achieved the status that they aspired to achieve. Why do I believe this is so? These people got SO caught up in the image of doing things with a Spirit of Excellence that they never, even START on the process! Can you imagine if Jesus never began his walk in ministry if his goal was to look excellent or BE excellent or appear excellent? Our sins would never be forgiven! Take that first step! Improve as you go along! LEARN as you make those steps! Strive towards excellence and always give glory to Our Lord through the journey!
In 2 Timothy 2:15 we are instructed to “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth”
and the book of Titus 2:7 instructs us to “Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity”.
Model of Good Works – Do the best that you can while you are improving, and stop waiting for the EXCELLENCE to be achieved in order to begin.

Google defines “Integrity” as – the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

Dignity is defined as “the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect” and also “a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect”.
We are all at the beginning of something new, each and every day that we awaken. Let us not be SO focused on tomorrow that we don’t allow God to lead us today.

Evangelist Angie BEE

Author, Producer, Promoter and Servant of the Lord

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Call us today at 407-914-6519

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