From the Desk of a Single Mom: Where is the Unity? Sisterhood Chronicles

Many times in life; you will have to be the one that has to speak the unpopular! Social media paints a picture that all is well; and it doesn’t always show the true picture.

And then, we also have to remember that our situation isn’t the same for others in the world. While we may have some good relationships with other women; it doesn’t mean the person standing next to you; can relate! The world and the people in it; aren’t perfect.

I wanted to share something that I sent to my email list subscribers yesterday:

How are you doing?

Can we chat for just a moment? When did we as women get to the place of not loving our fellow sisters? As I was scrolling through social media the other day. I came across a story of two teen girls whose life was shattered; in a matter of minutes! One was dead and the other was in jail. Why? Because they were fighting over a boy!

So, I ask again; when did we get here? When was it okay for us as young ladies and grown women to act and respond this way? It just doesn’t start there; when did we get so comfortable putting another women down or talk about her; instead of lifting her up? Offering our assistance; when she needs it!

So many of us are afraid that by helping others; we will somehow be in lack! That is not of God! God doesn’t promote hate, jealously or strife! But, I know who does! When did we begin to hate or stop talking to each other; simply because another women has a problem with someone? What happened to being a mediator and getting down to the root cause of the problem? Because, it is something more going on; that women don’t want to talk about! 

I’m very passionate about sisterhood and women forming lasting friendships… Why? I have throughout my lifetime been on the receiving end of what I speak about! As a young girl; I’ve had classmates attempt to jump me, I’ve had them spread false rumors about me, I’ve been called all kinds of names by them; and even in my adult life much of the same has occurred. 

In 2015, when God told me it was time for me to find my voice; I really didn’t want to start speaking up; but I am starting to see now that it’s necessary and needed. Too many of us stay silent and only speak about those things that serve us….

If you’re reading this; I thank you for taking out the time. We can change the outcome; one person at a time!

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/author_tamaramccarthy

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

From The Desk of a Single Mom: Salute to Single Moms

“There is no greater warrior than a mother protecting her child.” N.K. Jemisin

While being a parent; many of us women don’t have the luxury of having a partner to go through the motions with! Many of us are doing it alone and many of us are rocking it!

And we don’t get our kudos or the pat on the back; because there are those that will say; it’s our responsibility to raise our kids! But, is it for us to do it alone?

We live in a society where men are allowed to get a pass for just about anything! They cheat on their wives; pass….They abandon their children and their responsibility! Pass….makes no sense to me; but oh well….

But in the same breathe those same people are quick to say that women can’t teach a young boy/man; how to be a man! Well I beg to differ! Why? It’s simple; we have no choice!

People are quick to have an opinion but never a solution! Will you mentor a young boy/man? Will you give of your time to reach/teach a young boy/man the right path to take in life? Will you take them to a baseball or basketball game?Many won’t and that’s why there is a shortage of mentors for young boys…ask me how I know?

And while there is a shortage; single moms are the ones that have to step into a role that was never designed for us..but we do it and many times; do it well….

1. It doesn’t take a man to tell a young boy/man to pull his pants up!

2. It doesn’t take a man to tell a young boy/man to respect himself and others!

3. It doesn’t take a man to tell a young boy/man to open the doors for young girls/ladies!

4. It doesn’t take a man to show a young boy/man how to cook, clean and wash his own clothes!

5. It doesn’t take a man to show a young boy/man to learn how to drive!

6. It doesn’t take a man to show a young boy/man to protect himself and those that he loves!

7. It doesn’t take a man to show a young boy/man to go buy groceries!

And, as I learned from a dear friend; who also happens to be a single mom:

8. It doesn’t take a man to show a young boy/man how to change a tire!

This is just a small list of things that single moms have to step up and teach their boys!

We as a society need to do a better job at thinking before we speak. So many people are quick to judge without putting themselves in other’s shoes. We are quick to look at another’s trials and tribulations and point fingers and assume! But, what if it was you?

There is so much that the people on the outside don’t know because they don’t allow themselves to care. They don’t know that you have to take a stand for yourself and your kids. They don’t know that when terror comes to your door you have to be the one to chase it away; men were designed to be the protector!

So, if you’re a single mom and you’re reading this; You Aren’t Alone! If you’re not a single mom but know someone that is; then let her know that she is doing a great job! Offer her some help from time to time.

Excerpt from my book……Single Mom You Aren’t Alone: Becoming a Single Woman of Purpose

“You are a giver by nature; because you have to give your all; it’s in your DNA…

You are worthy of your children’s love; they love you no matter what.

No Matter What, Never Give In to Negative Talk. Being positive in any situation is Key.

Step Out on Faith and watch the possibilities pour into your life.

All the things you think you can’t do as a single mom; are already done!

In Jesus Name, Amen.” Tamara McCarthy

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

From The Desk of a Single Mom: Baby Daddy Syndrome; It’s Time to Heal…

How many of you single moms are still hurt over your baby daddy?

He left you for other woman?

He left you to raise the kids all alone?

He doesn’t respond when you call or text?

He doesn’t spend time with his kids?

He doesn’t provide any kind of support?

I can keep going but I think you get my point!

There are so many young ladies and women still hurt about baby daddy! Chasing him down; stalking him! Why? He has shown you his true intentions! He has shown you his real character! Even before he left or you kicked him out; he was acting and doing the same things. Why are you surprised or hurt? You thought he would change? People only change when they want too! Not when you put demands on them that don’t fit into their lifestyle! He is good playing around in these streets; why would you want to be apart of that! Why would you want your kids to be included in that kind of life? Nobody wants that kind of drama! Yes, I know it’s hard but he isn’t going to make it any better!

I am speaking from experience! I got tired of all the other women staking their claim, calling his phone all times of the day and night, I got tired of finding weave strands in my car (I wasn’t wearing wigs or weave back then); why put yourself through that?

Love, doesn’t hurt! Love, doesn’t abuse, Love doesn’t use, Love doesn’t mimic, Love doesn’t walk out the door into the arms of another woman!

We all know 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; memorize and meditate on it! This is what real love looks and feels like! Not some cheap version some of these guys are pushing around and distributing to unsuspecting candidates!

The best thing I could do was to release! I had to Let Go and Let God! This wasn’t going to be my Battle anymore! I wasn’t going to be hung up on a grown boy; who didn’t respect or love me! Who didn’t want to handle his responsibility as a father! I had to take my power back; get my life and raise my kids the best I could; with the help of my Heavenly Father!

Yes, some of you have your squad, your village, your circle; but hear me when I tell you; you need some God in your life! When you can’t reach anyone else; He is always there!

Unlock the chains of that Baby Daddy Syndrome! Break-Free….

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

From The Desk of a Single Mom: Summer-Time Blues…Not Really…

It has been a minute since my last post. I have had lots to share just no time to share it; being a Single Mom; it seems as if your time is always sucked away before you get to use it, lol.

Can you believe school is almost out? Thank you Jesus! Are you excited that school is almost out? Or are you dreading your electricity bill going up or no food being in the refrigerator?

Look I don’t know about you but I go to the store frequently even when they are in school! They are growing boys and they have to eat! You have to utilize the power within the household; so you’re going to get a bill! There are just some stuff you just can’t get around!

Now, I didn’t always think this way! I used to be one of those parents that complained about the no food and high electric bill during the summer; but then I changed my thought process.

My mind is at ease during the summer because I know for sure they are safe and sound! With everything going on in the world and in schools today; any parent would be on edge.

For me; I don’t have to drag my middle-schooler out of bed every morning, in the summer! Yes Lord; lol, he can sleep in all he wants too! That process every single morning during the school year; gets a little old after the first week of school. (Did I mention that he is taller than me and I have a bad back from a car accident?) Yes, so I can definitely use a break in the summertime!

My mornings aren’t rushed in the summer! I can have extra time to get some stuff done. Rushing to get yourself together, helping your kids get ready, making breakfast, reading your bible, saying your morning prayers; etc. Doing this on a daily basis; while you know it needs to be done; you welcome a break when you can get one!



1. If you’re a single mom dreading the summer and your kids being out of school; what are some positive ways you can deal with the situation?

2. How can you change your thought process?



Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

Baby Daddy Season is Over…

First of all, this post isn’t about bashing or putting down anyone! It’s all about respect and both parties learning and knowing how to respect the other person and having boundaries!

Let’s begin:

Have you ever heard the saying “you teach people how to treat you?” My uncle told me something similar years ago; and I always remember his words. Especially when I find myself in a situation where someone isn’t fully respecting me, my time; my space, etc.

As a single mom I shouldn’t have to accommodate; baby daddy and make his life easier! It doesn’t work that way; it’s suppose to be treated like a partnership; 50-50; right?

Without telling all my business and making him look like a real deadbeat; I will share some of what I am constantly going through with this dude; because I know other single moms can relate!

He says he will get the kids this day or that day and then at the last minute; he can’t get them anymore! There have been numerous times he didn’t even say anything; he just didn’t show! Each time I have had to pick the pieces of my boys hearts up off the floor; me not him! I have to deal with their anger of why he didn’t come and get them; me not him!

So over the years I have had to take a stand and say no more! I have a back up option just in case he doesn’t show up; so their hearts aren’t completely crushed! This recent incident I gave him the common courtesy to work out a day that I could drive them halfway to him (because he never wants to drive the whole way) and he never responded! So I got my back up plan in place and it was smooth sailing until 3 days later; he wants to respond and tell me not ask, this is when I can get them. Excuse me sir; we have plans and we aren’t changing them to accommodate you!

How dare I do that? It’s sad, but after all these years this guy still doesn’t respect me and never will! I understand this and realized this years ago! You control how people treat you! You can’t continue to allow people to walk over you and use you as their door mate!

Have you heard this saying? “You reap what you sow!” This is another saying that I keep in the back of my mind; and it applies to all of us. I can only control what I do and how I react to things. Am I being difficult; no I am just asking for the same courtesy; respect!

Even though he doesn’t respect me; I respect myself. I put those boundaries in place and he can’t cross them; because I am in control of my thoughts and how I react!

How many of us; as single moms, have bent over backwards to accommodate baby daddies; who don’t respect us or care how they hurt our children when they don’t do right?

When will it stop?

I had a pastor tell me; I should do everything in my power so my kids can see their father! Really, when he doesn’t even want to lift a hand? When he doesn’t respond to a simple text or call? When he goes out of his way not to pay child support? I’m sorry; who is that helping?

This is the reality of so many women, single moms and their kids! This is the life we live; not the life we have chosen….

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

New Series: From the Desk of a Single Mom…

This is the first in this series that has been swarming around in my head for sometime now; I didn’t really know what my approach was going to be.

Being a single mom isn’t something you can just turn on or off. You can’t pray it away; you can’t lock it up and go back for it years later! This is constant, consistent and never ending.

Some people seem to think that it’s a simple task; but, it’s not! You always hear people saying “put it on your to-do list” “command your day”; blah! Blah! Blah! Single moms? Does any of that stuff work? Consistently?

Kids will stick a wrench and smack the hammer down on your little to-do list and your command your day mindset; lol they will crumble it to pieces!

One of my boys is the BOSS at getting mommy off-track! I try my best to start the morning off right; got my daily schedule. Get up to get all my stuff in order and when it is time for him to get ready it should be smooth sailing!

Well no; he has a new attitude every day! He doesn’t want to wear that, those socks don’t match with the pants, his shoes are touching his pants; omg it just amazes me the stuff he comes up with!

And all the while the clock is ticking away and he is bound to miss his bus; and guess what? I have to drive him to school if he misses that bus! Did I add that to my list? No, because it’s not my normal routine! I didn’t add that in my command your day priorities!

But, you know what I had to get my mind all the way right! I had to find a way to deal with this and not let it ruin the rest of my day! We as people tend to get off track when our normal routine gets messed up; our whole attitude changes! We take it out on our kids and others around us; when it’s a simple fix! Shift your mindset and your thinking! I know he is going to do this every single morning; lol and I’m ready for him! If he misses his bus; I happily drive him to school, because I prepared for it!

Many times, our kids just want our attention! They want that one on one time; and we have to carve out that time and give it to them.

This video was from this week. I couldn’t let the morning get the best of me; I had to shift my thinking! Yes it got off track. I wasn’t able to fix my lunch for the day, I forgot to make my smoothie, I woke up with a migraine/sinus headache and my son had missed his bus! But I got my mind right! I put a smile on my face! I grabbed some veggies out the fridge, took my son to school, stopped to get a smoothie and made my way to work; all with a smile on my face!

It’s all in our thinking and how our mindset is! If you think defeat; you will be defeated! If you think failure; you will fail! I don’t know about you; but I’m looking to win! Every single morning that I am blessed to wake up and be able to be the best mom that I can be to my kids; is a win in my book!

Look out there is more to come in this series…..

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

Christian Author Spotlight: Tonia Shalel

Now; how many single women out there are waiting on their Boaz? Do you know what you have to do while your waiting? Have you received instructions, clarity; or directions? How would you feel if there was a book that was written that would give you some insight into what to do; while you wait?

First of all; you may want to know who the author is; right?

headshot

Let’s find out:

Tonia Shalel is first and foremost a disciple of Jesus Christ. She is a best-selling author, life coach and speaker. She is the founder of Ruth and Boaz in the Meantime Ministries and is passionate about Christians discovering and walking in their purpose.
Having been blessed with the spiritual gift of encouragement in all of her career choices (teaching, Human Resources) she has mentored many people that the Lord has called her to walk with. Tonia’s purpose in life is to raise her daughter in the fear of the Lord and to model what an authentic relationship with Jesus looks like.

She is raising a future Proverbs 31 woman and takes that assignment very seriously. Additionally, her second purpose in life is to encourage Christian singles to passionately pursue their Kingdom assignment from the Lord.

She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Education from State University of New York, College at Old Westbury, a Master’s degree in Communication Studies from California State University, Los Angeles, an HR Management certificate from The University of California, Irvine and holds a Life Coach certification from Life Coach Training Institute, accredited by the International Association of Certified Coaches.

So, now that we know more about the author; let’s find out why she wrote this book; in her own words:
The Lord laid it on my heart to begin writing this book shortly after My Beauty for Ashes was released.  As a woman of God who is preparing for God ordained marriage I wanted to share with other single Christian women my process. There were specific steps the Lord told me to take in order to prepare for my husband and in my book I share these tips with the reader.  (did you see that? Tonia is sharing her instructions that she received from God!) We can’t be out of order ladies; we have to listen to Our Heavenly Father and He will provide instructions! And many times it will be spoken through someone else!


 
Tonia has written this book specifically for:  
 
Single Christian women who desire a God-ordained marriage.
 
Here is a brief description of the book;  Boaz, The Promise and The Wait:
 
Waiting on God can sometimes feel like forever for the single Christian woman. In Boaz, the Promise and the Wait, Tonia takes the reader through the necessary steps when waiting on God. Through biblical principles, she will empower you to pursue purpose and heal your heart while preparing for your God-ordained husband.
To buy Tonia’s Book; check out http://www.amazon.com
I will add this as well; I happen to have a copy of this book! Thank you Tonia! I happen to be a Single Christian Woman Waiting on God! And; let me tell you the “wait” does feel like forever; but, I do know that there is no-one in this world that can bless us like God can! So, I wait; and I love reading books like Tonia’s for encouragement, inspiration and reminders that we have work to do while we wait! 
This is an excerpt that I love from the book: “Woman of God, you must heal in order to be whole and ready for your husband”. Tonia Shalel
boaz
© 2018 Tamara McCarthy Enterprises used with permission (Tonia Shalel) Christian Author Spotlight