From The Desk of a Single Mom: Salute to Single Moms

“There is no greater warrior than a mother protecting her child.” N.K. Jemisin

While being a parent; many of us women don’t have the luxury of having a partner to go through the motions with! Many of us are doing it alone and many of us are rocking it!

And we don’t get our kudos or the pat on the back; because there are those that will say; it’s our responsibility to raise our kids! But, is it for us to do it alone?

We live in a society where men are allowed to get a pass for just about anything! They cheat on their wives; pass….They abandon their children and their responsibility! Pass….makes no sense to me; but oh well….

But in the same breathe those same people are quick to say that women can’t teach a young boy/man; how to be a man! Well I beg to differ! Why? It’s simple; we have no choice!

People are quick to have an opinion but never a solution! Will you mentor a young boy/man? Will you give of your time to reach/teach a young boy/man the right path to take in life? Will you take them to a baseball or basketball game?Many won’t and that’s why there is a shortage of mentors for young boys…ask me how I know?

And while there is a shortage; single moms are the ones that have to step into a role that was never designed for us..but we do it and many times; do it well….

1. It doesn’t take a man to tell a young boy/man to pull his pants up!

2. It doesn’t take a man to tell a young boy/man to respect himself and others!

3. It doesn’t take a man to tell a young boy/man to open the doors for young girls/ladies!

4. It doesn’t take a man to show a young boy/man how to cook, clean and wash his own clothes!

5. It doesn’t take a man to show a young boy/man to learn how to drive!

6. It doesn’t take a man to show a young boy/man to protect himself and those that he loves!

7. It doesn’t take a man to show a young boy/man to go buy groceries!

And, as I learned from a dear friend; who also happens to be a single mom:

8. It doesn’t take a man to show a young boy/man how to change a tire!

This is just a small list of things that single moms have to step up and teach their boys!

We as a society need to do a better job at thinking before we speak. So many people are quick to judge without putting themselves in other’s shoes. We are quick to look at another’s trials and tribulations and point fingers and assume! But, what if it was you?

There is so much that the people on the outside don’t know because they don’t allow themselves to care. They don’t know that you have to take a stand for yourself and your kids. They don’t know that when terror comes to your door you have to be the one to chase it away; men were designed to be the protector!

So, if you’re a single mom and you’re reading this; You Aren’t Alone! If you’re not a single mom but know someone that is; then let her know that she is doing a great job! Offer her some help from time to time.

Excerpt from my book……Single Mom You Aren’t Alone: Becoming a Single Woman of Purpose

“You are a giver by nature; because you have to give your all; it’s in your DNA…

You are worthy of your children’s love; they love you no matter what.

No Matter What, Never Give In to Negative Talk. Being positive in any situation is Key.

Step Out on Faith and watch the possibilities pour into your life.

All the things you think you can’t do as a single mom; are already done!

In Jesus Name, Amen.” Tamara McCarthy

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

Baby Daddy Season is Over…

First of all, this post isn’t about bashing or putting down anyone! It’s all about respect and both parties learning and knowing how to respect the other person and having boundaries!

Let’s begin:

Have you ever heard the saying “you teach people how to treat you?” My uncle told me something similar years ago; and I always remember his words. Especially when I find myself in a situation where someone isn’t fully respecting me, my time; my space, etc.

As a single mom I shouldn’t have to accommodate; baby daddy and make his life easier! It doesn’t work that way; it’s suppose to be treated like a partnership; 50-50; right?

Without telling all my business and making him look like a real deadbeat; I will share some of what I am constantly going through with this dude; because I know other single moms can relate!

He says he will get the kids this day or that day and then at the last minute; he can’t get them anymore! There have been numerous times he didn’t even say anything; he just didn’t show! Each time I have had to pick the pieces of my boys hearts up off the floor; me not him! I have to deal with their anger of why he didn’t come and get them; me not him!

So over the years I have had to take a stand and say no more! I have a back up option just in case he doesn’t show up; so their hearts aren’t completely crushed! This recent incident I gave him the common courtesy to work out a day that I could drive them halfway to him (because he never wants to drive the whole way) and he never responded! So I got my back up plan in place and it was smooth sailing until 3 days later; he wants to respond and tell me not ask, this is when I can get them. Excuse me sir; we have plans and we aren’t changing them to accommodate you!

How dare I do that? It’s sad, but after all these years this guy still doesn’t respect me and never will! I understand this and realized this years ago! You control how people treat you! You can’t continue to allow people to walk over you and use you as their door mate!

Have you heard this saying? “You reap what you sow!” This is another saying that I keep in the back of my mind; and it applies to all of us. I can only control what I do and how I react to things. Am I being difficult; no I am just asking for the same courtesy; respect!

Even though he doesn’t respect me; I respect myself. I put those boundaries in place and he can’t cross them; because I am in control of my thoughts and how I react!

How many of us; as single moms, have bent over backwards to accommodate baby daddies; who don’t respect us or care how they hurt our children when they don’t do right?

When will it stop?

I had a pastor tell me; I should do everything in my power so my kids can see their father! Really, when he doesn’t even want to lift a hand? When he doesn’t respond to a simple text or call? When he goes out of his way not to pay child support? I’m sorry; who is that helping?

This is the reality of so many women, single moms and their kids! This is the life we live; not the life we have chosen….

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

New Series: From the Desk of a Single Mom…

This is the first in this series that has been swarming around in my head for sometime now; I didn’t really know what my approach was going to be.

Being a single mom isn’t something you can just turn on or off. You can’t pray it away; you can’t lock it up and go back for it years later! This is constant, consistent and never ending.

Some people seem to think that it’s a simple task; but, it’s not! You always hear people saying “put it on your to-do list” “command your day”; blah! Blah! Blah! Single moms? Does any of that stuff work? Consistently?

Kids will stick a wrench and smack the hammer down on your little to-do list and your command your day mindset; lol they will crumble it to pieces!

One of my boys is the BOSS at getting mommy off-track! I try my best to start the morning off right; got my daily schedule. Get up to get all my stuff in order and when it is time for him to get ready it should be smooth sailing!

Well no; he has a new attitude every day! He doesn’t want to wear that, those socks don’t match with the pants, his shoes are touching his pants; omg it just amazes me the stuff he comes up with!

And all the while the clock is ticking away and he is bound to miss his bus; and guess what? I have to drive him to school if he misses that bus! Did I add that to my list? No, because it’s not my normal routine! I didn’t add that in my command your day priorities!

But, you know what I had to get my mind all the way right! I had to find a way to deal with this and not let it ruin the rest of my day! We as people tend to get off track when our normal routine gets messed up; our whole attitude changes! We take it out on our kids and others around us; when it’s a simple fix! Shift your mindset and your thinking! I know he is going to do this every single morning; lol and I’m ready for him! If he misses his bus; I happily drive him to school, because I prepared for it!

Many times, our kids just want our attention! They want that one on one time; and we have to carve out that time and give it to them.

This video was from this week. I couldn’t let the morning get the best of me; I had to shift my thinking! Yes it got off track. I wasn’t able to fix my lunch for the day, I forgot to make my smoothie, I woke up with a migraine/sinus headache and my son had missed his bus! But I got my mind right! I put a smile on my face! I grabbed some veggies out the fridge, took my son to school, stopped to get a smoothie and made my way to work; all with a smile on my face!

It’s all in our thinking and how our mindset is! If you think defeat; you will be defeated! If you think failure; you will fail! I don’t know about you; but I’m looking to win! Every single morning that I am blessed to wake up and be able to be the best mom that I can be to my kids; is a win in my book!

Look out there is more to come in this series…..

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

Who Are You Raising? #SpiritualSundays

With so much going on in the world today; I thought this would be a good topic to reflect on! I had to get my approach in the right place and get my emotions in check before I touched on the subject and hopefully it will reach someone.

Proverbs 22: 6 says this “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it“. (NKJV)

Society is always saying that it starts at home!

Who are you raising? Are you raising your children to become strong young boys and young ladies that can be respectful and considerate of others? That will show others kindness and love? That will be compassionate to those in need and empathize with situations even if they don’t comprehend the full reality? Kids grow up to become adults and we have to remember while it may start at home; it continues into adulthood! (Something to think about).

Who are you connected to?

John 15: 5I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me and I in him, bears much fruit; for without me you can do nothing.” (NKJV)

I can honestly say; I have never received a call thus far about any of my children from teachers about them disrupting their class at school or being disrespectful. All of their teachers have always praised them for being good kids.

Now at home may be a different story! Lol they are in their element; their natural habitat around family and are bound to show out! When they leave out that door I have always raised and taught them to be on their best behavior! They not only represent themselves but their parent(s). What parent wants to know their child is acting a fool out in public? In society where there is criticism every way you turn? You can raise good kids but once they walk out that door with their friends and break loose and things get out of hand; they are looked upon as a villain, thug, terrorist; what have you because society likes to use labels. They could be on their way to the movies, store, mall, school, sporting event, work etc and still be considered a threat.

Please open the book and read; before you judge!

In some cases the label may be in fact a true character example; but what about when it’s not? Some of us will believe what we are told with doing absolutely no research or investigation of our own! The news says that he had a gun; he was robbing someone, he was out there selling drugs!

John 15: 18-19If the world hates you, you know that it hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” (NKJV)

5 Things That Can Change the World We Live In

1. Manners: Are you teaching them about using manners? These are so important to instill in our children; it goes along way! Hello. Thank you. How are you? Excuse me. I’m sorry. Very simple words can change the world; don’t you agree?

2. Compassion/Sympathy:  Are you teaching them about compassion and sympathy? I don’t know  or haven’t experienced what you have; but I’m still sorry for what you are going through (this is how we are to respond to what others are facing or may be facing; we don’t assume or point fingers).

3. Empathy: Are you teaching them about empathy? You put yourself in the shoes of others; you try to understand their feelings, situations what have you. You give and show your support; not criticize what you don’t know.

4. Color Blind: Are you teaching them that we all come in different shades of color; and that we are all still the same? We bleed the same blood? We cry the same tears? We all feel pain? Have you taught them that?

5. Love: Are you teaching them to love themselves as well as others? So many of our children are growing up unloved! They become adults whom don’t know how to love or be loved? Do you tell them that you love him or her?

Prayer Has Never Hurt Anybody!

Heavenly Father there is so much going on in the world today; Father help us! There is so much hatred, heartache and pain! Father we need you! We need your protection Lord, the enemy has been very busy; our children, our fathers, our sisters, our brothers. Cover us Lord like only you can; block the enemy and keep us far from his reach. In the mighty name of your son Jesus! Amen.

 

 

 ©Tamara McCarthy Enterprises 2016