First of all, this post isn’t about bashing or putting down anyone! It’s all about respect and both parties learning and knowing how to respect the other person and having boundaries!
Let’s begin:
Have you ever heard the saying “you teach people how to treat you?” My uncle told me something similar years ago; and I always remember his words. Especially when I find myself in a situation where someone isn’t fully respecting me, my time; my space, etc.
As a single mom I shouldn’t have to accommodate; baby daddy and make his life easier! It doesn’t work that way; it’s suppose to be treated like a partnership; 50-50; right?
Without telling all my business and making him look like a real deadbeat; I will share some of what I am constantly going through with this dude; because I know other single moms can relate!
He says he will get the kids this day or that day and then at the last minute; he can’t get them anymore! There have been numerous times he didn’t even say anything; he just didn’t show! Each time I have had to pick the pieces of my boys hearts up off the floor; me not him! I have to deal with their anger of why he didn’t come and get them; me not him!
So over the years I have had to take a stand and say no more! I have a back up option just in case he doesn’t show up; so their hearts aren’t completely crushed! This recent incident I gave him the common courtesy to work out a day that I could drive them halfway to him (because he never wants to drive the whole way) and he never responded! So I got my back up plan in place and it was smooth sailing until 3 days later; he wants to respond and tell me not ask, this is when I can get them. Excuse me sir; we have plans and we aren’t changing them to accommodate you!
How dare I do that? It’s sad, but after all these years this guy still doesn’t respect me and never will! I understand this and realized this years ago! You control how people treat you! You can’t continue to allow people to walk over you and use you as their door mate!
Have you heard this saying? “You reap what you sow!” This is another saying that I keep in the back of my mind; and it applies to all of us. I can only control what I do and how I react to things. Am I being difficult; no I am just asking for the same courtesy; respect!
Even though he doesn’t respect me; I respect myself. I put those boundaries in place and he can’t cross them; because I am in control of my thoughts and how I react!
How many of us; as single moms, have bent over backwards to accommodate baby daddies; who don’t respect us or care how they hurt our children when they don’t do right?
When will it stop?
I had a pastor tell me; I should do everything in my power so my kids can see their father! Really, when he doesn’t even want to lift a hand? When he doesn’t respond to a simple text or call? When he goes out of his way not to pay child support? I’m sorry; who is that helping?
This is the reality of so many women, single moms and their kids! This is the life we live; not the life we have chosen….
And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.
I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!
Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!
What would you do to become rich, wealthy or comfortable? Do you chase money or does money chase you? Are you a lover of money?
Money does make the world go round! Or so they say! But are you suppose to allow money to rule you? Are you supposed to allow it to run your life? Shouldn’t money be under your control?
It seems like everyone and everybody is talking about money these days! Social media is filled with people telling you and showing you various ways to get money, become financially independent and how to become an entrepreneur!
But, is that the will of God for your life or is that some illusion you have become fascinated with? Money is a necessity don’t get me wrong; we all need it to pay bills to survive! But should money be your main focus? Should it become your motive to succeed in this life? Should it become more important than your purpose?
Let’s look at it from this perspective:
Multiple streams of income? Do you welcome this concept? Not sure why I awoke with this on my mind; but as a Single Mom I wish I knew more about this years ago. (The life of a single mom can be hard at times; and money can be scarce at times)
Having multiple streams of income would’ve definitely helped with the bills and just the financial aspect that comes with raising kids!
When you have only one income coming in; you have to stretch it and many times have to make sacrifices to make it work!
Could this be an example of living abundantly? Or being a lender and not a borrower? Or even using the gifts that have been implanted in us to prosper? (From the Bible standpoint what are your thoughts?)
Just remember this; all money isn’t good money! The enemy knows that money is an requirement to live and he will throw all kinds of get rich quick schemes your way! Be on guard and know when it benefits his motives or God’s…..There is a difference..
When we take a look at the Bible we know it talks about “living abundantly” “prospering” “paying your tithes” “being a lender and not a borrower” but does it tell us how to maintain, build wealth, etc.
I believe it does when it speaks on our gifts/talents! We are all supplied gifts and talents but it’s all in how you use them! Are you using them to build up or break down? Are you using them to scheme or mislead? Are you using them to advance your negative lifestyle or motives? Are you using them to change someone’s life?
There are endless opportunities in this world to do some good and live an amazing life according to the Bible!
Things to consider when it comes to money:
1. Money shouldn’t be the main focus!
2. Your Purpose shouldn’t be based off of money!
3. If you have to lie, scheme, kill, sell your soul or your body! Run and don’t look back; it’s definitely not worth it!
4. Every opportunity to gain or build wealth or just survive isn’t a Kingdom opportunity; check the fruit, motives and end game!
5. If it changes your character and outlook on life; then look within and decide if something in you needs to change!
What does this holiday season mean to you? Why do I ask? Because it means something different to the people that you talk too! Everyone will give you a different spin on it and many of you when you hear their analogy; will maybe raise an eyebrow, or two! For some; you can tell what it means without asking them; because they will show you. You see them all over the news and social media standing in these long lines; waiting to purchase material items! They will fight and curse out their neighbor because they took the last television and they really needed that television! Come on now; when did these stores only sell televisions on special occasions? Couldn’t they get that television at other time? So, you are going to make yourself look stupid and cause bodily harm to another human being for something that could possibly break the next day after you purchase it?
Gifts
When did we get so focused on gifts? I know you have heard the saying “It is better to give than receive”; does that apply to the holiday season; or has it just been attached to this time of year? When did material things become sort of like the soul focus on this time of year? The stores start putting out holiday decorations way before it’s time; to get people to start buying them early; hence making their financial statements look mighty impressive! They beef up customer service and hire more people in retail doing this time of year; to ensure they have enough hands-on deck to handle the abundance of shoppers! They sit around in their board meetings and team meetings to see how and what they can do to get the most people in their stores; so, they can spend the most money! Only to lay off countless numbers of people after the hype has dwindled down because the holiday season is over; now you have people out of work that were only hired to fill a need of getting them in more money!
What if?
What if there were no stores to shop at and spend all your money on gifts? What if the only thing that was available was a piece of paper and a pen/pencil and you had to actually write a note to each person in your life; maybe just the ones that matter! The same folks that you went out of your way to buy all these gifts for! What words would you use? How would you start off your first sentence? Would you talk about the past, present and future? Would your words hurt them or make them feel loved? Would you tell them how much they mean to you? How do you think they would respond; if they were giving this note during the holiday season; instead of an actual gift? Take your time and think about that one….
Something to Meditate On
After reading this; does it change your mind? Does it make you rethink anything that you have grown accustomed to doing? Will you do anything differently going forward? Will you incorporate anything that you haven’t been doing to what you are already doing? The point here is just to give some insight, make you think; and possibly start a conversation that will expand your thought process and the thought process of those around you. Whatever this holiday season means to you; let it be filled with love, peace and kindness; that isn’t just self-centered but worldwide.
When I was, a kid attending Frederick J. Schulze Elementary School in Detroit Michigan, my classmates would use “Bad Words: while whispering to each other. The “cool” kids would say these “bad words” during conversation, but even the cool kids would avoid allowing their hushed voices to be heard by the teacher. I wonder if the grown-ups at the school ever knew that some of the kids spoke these words?
Check out the audio version of this blog here:
Once I hit Beaubien Jr. High school, the “Bad words” evolved into cussin’ and the hushed voices grew louder and became more direct toward certain classmates. I frequently found myself being the target of some of that language as the class bullies seemed to resent everything I wore, everything I smiled about and every “A” that I earned. I knew that I wasn’t a B-I-T-C-H, but just having that word slung in my direction stung a bit more, each time I heard it.
I grew up attending and being blessed by memberships in two Detroit churches. I was baptized and raised at Beth Eden Missionary Baptist Church, and at the age of twelve my spiritual growth enlarged through my membership at Hartford Memorial Baptist Church. Now, I don’t know about other churches or other religions but I do know that EVERY BAPTIST CHURCH I have ever attended always leads you in a song that goes a little something like this:
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer – Amen, Amen, Amen.
Now, did I know that song that we sang was a scripture? Nope! Did I know that while singing that song in church, I was basically saying out loud that I wanted the words that came out of my mouth to be acceptable to God? Nope! “DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?!”
Once I “grew up” and lived on the college campus, I cussed “like a sailor” because I was “GROWN!” My mama wasn’t around to smack me in the mouth and everybody else on the campus of Wilberforce University was cussing’ too! That’s when one of the professors mentioned a study that has stuck with me all these years later. Now, don’t quote me on it but the study said something about the use of vulgar language reflecting the ignorance and poor vocabulary skills of the word cussin’. Well, I was a communications major and I planned to have a career in radio, so I wasn’t about to reflect ignorance coming out of my mouth! After that lesson, cuss words only flew out of my mouth during stress or frustration… and even then, I was ashamed afterwards.
These days I will see posts on social media with letters such as “WTF” or “LMFAO”. These letters are sometimes even posted in a sentence meant to bring humor or accolades, but once I see that letter “F” or letter “A” in there, I get a little sad. As an adult, we now refer to this language as “Profanity” and although it is no longer directed at me, I still shudder when I hear it spoken; just hearing swear words can make me sad.
“A group of researchers from Kno.e.sis Research Center, Wright State University near Dayton Ohio studied why people swear in the online world by collecting tweets posted on Twitter. They found that cursing is associated with negative emotions such as sadness (21.83%) and anger (16.79%) thus showing people in the online world mainly use curse words to express their sadness and anger towards others.[20][21]” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Profanity)
You see, our words reflect what is growing on the inside of us. Kinda like if you ate something last night that doesn’t agree with your tummy, you will find yourself on the toilet by the next morning. That mess was on the inside of you, so it came out. Cussin’ reflects something rotten inside of you, so it falls out of your mouth just as easily as that diarrhea plopped outta your butt!
My mama was a holy thing when she lived on Earth. Even though our mama cussed, I didn’t cuss around my mama (I didn’t want to get a spanking, so that motivated me to keep my mouth clean!). My husband is a holy thing as he represents the way God loves me in this season of my life. I don’t cuss around my husband. Just looking at him reminds me that I am loved and respected and appreciated, so I don’t have a reason to cuss him out! (lol). I am a temple of the Lord and I invite the Lord to live inside me. I don’t cuss around my temple…I don’t cuss around myself. I love myself and respect myself, so I don’t cuss in my conversations or in my writings.
Wikipedia reflects that “profanity has come to mean any socially offensive language beyond that strictly religious sense, but tends to exclude any other nonverbal communication. Thus profanity in English may be synonymous with bad language, strong language, coarse language, foul language, bad words, vulgar language, lewd language, choice words or expletives“. – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Profanity
On the Sunday, November 20, 2016 ministry broadcast from Pastor Ron Carpenter, he taught that there was a lesson in the bible where a group of people had been led by Moses to a place where they were to drink water. When the people tasted the water, they found that it tasted bitter and later, scientists tested the water and determined that the bitter taste was the result of a laxative component that would help flush your system. Ron Carpenter offered that God led those people to the water to get that bad taste of their past slavery out of their systems. http://www.roncarpenter.com/on-demand/detox/
What do you need to get out of your system?
If you don’t get it out spiritually, it will fly out of your mouth offensively.
(Thank you, Jesus!)
On the Sunday, November 20, 2016 broadcast from Pastor Jesse Duplantis, he taught on first fruits and on giving God your best. He visually taught that God gave us HIS first fruit in that he gave us His first son. Why don’t we give God our best language of respect, praise and gratitude and cleanse our minds and our tongues from foul language? Why don’t we give OURSELVES our first fruit of a sweet language on our lips and not the bitter words that fly out and offend?
God gave us his best when he gives us his grace and mercy and when God spoke, he created wonders and lifestyles and an home for us! When we speak to the waitress, she brings out the best meal that can be prepared for us. When you hear those words “I Love You”… do you want to hear a cuss word thrown in that statement?!?
Today, let us all strive to “clean up our act” and mentally “wash our mouths out with soap”. Listen to the lyrics of the music you are feeding into your ears. Is it laced with profanity and sexual references? How does that make you feel? Do you find yourself quoting those lyrics? Would you want someone referring to you in the way those lyrics refer to another in that song?
Today, let us all strive to replace one curse word at a time with a new vocabulary word in our speech and in our writings. “WTF” can now be “WITW” (What In The World?” comes from my anointed daughter Jasmine…thanks Princess!) I prefer ROTFLOL to LMFAO (why do I have to refer to myself as FAT, anyway! Hmmph). Today, let us be a “Shining Light of Language” (SLOL) for someone else while we are talking to them; when they realize that each word coming from your mouth is positive and encouraging… they may catch on and repeat your example!
With so much going on in the world today; I thought this would be a good topic to reflect on! I had to get my approach in the right place and get my emotions in check before I touched on the subject and hopefully it will reach someone.
Proverbs 22: 6 says this “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it“. (NKJV)
Society is always saying that it starts at home!
Who are you raising? Are you raising your children to become strong young boys and young ladies that can be respectful and considerate of others? That will show others kindness and love? That will be compassionate to those in need and empathize with situations even if they don’t comprehend the full reality? Kids grow up to become adults and we have to remember while it may start at home; it continues into adulthood! (Something to think about).
Who are you connected to?
John 15: 5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me and I in him, bears much fruit; for without me you can do nothing.” (NKJV)
I can honestly say; I have never received a call thus far about any of my children from teachers about them disrupting their class at school or being disrespectful. All of their teachers have always praised them for being good kids.
Now at home may be a different story! Lol they are in their element; their natural habitat around family and are bound to show out! When they leave out that door I have always raised and taught them to be on their best behavior! They not only represent themselves but their parent(s). What parent wants to know their child is acting a fool out in public? In society where there is criticism every way you turn? You can raise good kids but once they walk out that door with their friends and break loose and things get out of hand; they are looked upon as a villain, thug, terrorist; what have you because society likes to use labels. They could be on their way to the movies, store, mall, school, sporting event, work etc and still be considered a threat.
Please open the book and read; before you judge!
In some cases the label may be in fact a true character example; but what about when it’s not? Some of us will believe what we are told with doing absolutely no research or investigation of our own! The news says that he had a gun; he was robbing someone, he was out there selling drugs!
John 15: 18-19 “If the world hates you, you know that it hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” (NKJV)
5 Things That Can Change the World We Live In
1. Manners: Are you teaching them about using manners? These are so important to instill in our children; it goes along way! Hello. Thank you. How are you? Excuse me. I’m sorry. Very simple words can change the world; don’t you agree?
2. Compassion/Sympathy: Are you teaching them about compassion and sympathy? I don’t know or haven’t experienced what you have; but I’m still sorry for what you are going through (this is how we are to respond to what others are facing or may be facing; we don’t assume or point fingers).
3. Empathy: Are you teaching them about empathy? You put yourself in the shoes of others; you try to understand their feelings, situations what have you. You give and show your support; not criticize what you don’t know.
4. Color Blind: Are you teaching them that we all come in different shades of color; and that we are all still the same? We bleed the same blood? We cry the same tears? We all feel pain? Have you taught them that?
5. Love: Are you teaching them to love themselves as well as others? So many of our children are growing up unloved! They become adults whom don’t know how to love or be loved? Do you tell them that you love him or her?
Prayer Has Never Hurt Anybody!
Heavenly Father there is so much going on in the world today; Father help us! There is so much hatred, heartache and pain! Father we need you! We need your protection Lord, the enemy has been very busy; our children, our fathers, our sisters, our brothers. Cover us Lord like only you can; block the enemy and keep us far from his reach. In the mighty name of your son Jesus! Amen.
After reading this; does it change your mind? Does it make you rethink anything that you have grown accustomed to doing? Will you do anything differently going forward? Will you incorporate anything that you haven’t been doing to what you are already doing? The point here is just to give some insight, make you think; and possibly start a conversation that will expand your thought process and the thought process of those around you. Whatever this holiday season means to you; let it be filled with love, peace and kindness; that isn’t just self-centered but worldwide.
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