First of all, this post isn’t about bashing or putting down anyone! It’s all about respect and both parties learning and knowing how to respect the other person and having boundaries!
Let’s begin:
Have you ever heard the saying “you teach people how to treat you?” My uncle told me something similar years ago; and I always remember his words. Especially when I find myself in a situation where someone isn’t fully respecting me, my time; my space, etc.
As a single mom I shouldn’t have to accommodate; baby daddy and make his life easier! It doesn’t work that way; it’s suppose to be treated like a partnership; 50-50; right?
Without telling all my business and making him look like a real deadbeat; I will share some of what I am constantly going through with this dude; because I know other single moms can relate!
He says he will get the kids this day or that day and then at the last minute; he can’t get them anymore! There have been numerous times he didn’t even say anything; he just didn’t show! Each time I have had to pick the pieces of my boys hearts up off the floor; me not him! I have to deal with their anger of why he didn’t come and get them; me not him!
So over the years I have had to take a stand and say no more! I have a back up option just in case he doesn’t show up; so their hearts aren’t completely crushed! This recent incident I gave him the common courtesy to work out a day that I could drive them halfway to him (because he never wants to drive the whole way) and he never responded! So I got my back up plan in place and it was smooth sailing until 3 days later; he wants to respond and tell me not ask, this is when I can get them. Excuse me sir; we have plans and we aren’t changing them to accommodate you!
How dare I do that? It’s sad, but after all these years this guy still doesn’t respect me and never will! I understand this and realized this years ago! You control how people treat you! You can’t continue to allow people to walk over you and use you as their door mate!
Have you heard this saying? “You reap what you sow!” This is another saying that I keep in the back of my mind; and it applies to all of us. I can only control what I do and how I react to things. Am I being difficult; no I am just asking for the same courtesy; respect!
Even though he doesn’t respect me; I respect myself. I put those boundaries in place and he can’t cross them; because I am in control of my thoughts and how I react!
How many of us; as single moms, have bent over backwards to accommodate baby daddies; who don’t respect us or care how they hurt our children when they don’t do right?
When will it stop?
I had a pastor tell me; I should do everything in my power so my kids can see their father! Really, when he doesn’t even want to lift a hand? When he doesn’t respond to a simple text or call? When he goes out of his way not to pay child support? I’m sorry; who is that helping?
This is the reality of so many women, single moms and their kids! This is the life we live; not the life we have chosen….
And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.
I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!
Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!
What would you do to become rich, wealthy or comfortable? Do you chase money or does money chase you? Are you a lover of money?
Money does make the world go round! Or so they say! But are you suppose to allow money to rule you? Are you supposed to allow it to run your life? Shouldn’t money be under your control?
It seems like everyone and everybody is talking about money these days! Social media is filled with people telling you and showing you various ways to get money, become financially independent and how to become an entrepreneur!
But, is that the will of God for your life or is that some illusion you have become fascinated with? Money is a necessity don’t get me wrong; we all need it to pay bills to survive! But should money be your main focus? Should it become your motive to succeed in this life? Should it become more important than your purpose?
Let’s look at it from this perspective:
Multiple streams of income? Do you welcome this concept? Not sure why I awoke with this on my mind; but as a Single Mom I wish I knew more about this years ago. (The life of a single mom can be hard at times; and money can be scarce at times)
Having multiple streams of income would’ve definitely helped with the bills and just the financial aspect that comes with raising kids!
When you have only one income coming in; you have to stretch it and many times have to make sacrifices to make it work!
Could this be an example of living abundantly? Or being a lender and not a borrower? Or even using the gifts that have been implanted in us to prosper? (From the Bible standpoint what are your thoughts?)
Just remember this; all money isn’t good money! The enemy knows that money is an requirement to live and he will throw all kinds of get rich quick schemes your way! Be on guard and know when it benefits his motives or God’s…..There is a difference..
When we take a look at the Bible we know it talks about “living abundantly” “prospering” “paying your tithes” “being a lender and not a borrower” but does it tell us how to maintain, build wealth, etc.
I believe it does when it speaks on our gifts/talents! We are all supplied gifts and talents but it’s all in how you use them! Are you using them to build up or break down? Are you using them to scheme or mislead? Are you using them to advance your negative lifestyle or motives? Are you using them to change someone’s life?
There are endless opportunities in this world to do some good and live an amazing life according to the Bible!
Things to consider when it comes to money:
1. Money shouldn’t be the main focus!
2. Your Purpose shouldn’t be based off of money!
3. If you have to lie, scheme, kill, sell your soul or your body! Run and don’t look back; it’s definitely not worth it!
4. Every opportunity to gain or build wealth or just survive isn’t a Kingdom opportunity; check the fruit, motives and end game!
5. If it changes your character and outlook on life; then look within and decide if something in you needs to change!
Church hurt is real and many have experienced it! Me included and I will be honest; when it first happened, I was hurt but more disappointed because like so many I didn’t want to go back! But guess what? I wasn’t going to allow the enemy to win! “No weapon formed against me shall prosper”! (Isaiah 54:17)
Have you allowed the actions of another person take you away from your Heavenly Father? Have you allowed them to speak negativity into your life? Have you accepted what they did to you to be from above? Have you left and returned to your old way of doing things? Who does that benefit? Who wins when you turn your back on God?
We must remember who our enemy is and what his plans are! Look at John 10:10 “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly”. (KJV) Unfortunately the enemy has an army that loves to carry out his antics and they happen to be in the church; right on the pew sitting next to you! Everyone that steps foot in the four walls that we call “church” isn’t there for the right reasons; but we shouldn’t allow them to push us out! Stop giving your enemy ammunition to destroy your life and keep you from living in abundance and perfect peace!
Whomever told you that walking away from your old life to be a renewed person in Christ was going to easy; misled you! This walk comes with a whole new bucket of trials and tribulations; the enemy doesn’t like to be defeated! So yes, he will be turning it up a notch; but we are built for this! Is this your first battle?
I can tell you from experience; it won’t be your last! But I want you to remember this and get used to saying it: I will not run and hide; for God is on My Side! “And he said, hearken ye, all Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem, and thou king Jehoshaphat, thus saith the Lord unto you, be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s”. (2 Chronicles 20:15)
Stand and don’t you sway! We will have to answer to the things we have done and said in this life! Don’t be one that will lead others astray! “For the leaders of this people cause them to err; and they that are led of them are destroyed”. (Isaiah 9:16)
So, I ask you; who will you serve? What side of the fence will you stand on? “And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”. (Joshua 24:15)
The hurt we have experienced can’t be changed, you won’t get an apology, they won’t even admit to their wrong doing; not our problem! At the end of the day we can only control how we respond to it. At first, it will hurt and you just might shed some tears but guess what? You will wake up the next day and that’s when you begin again! Smile; the enemy hates when you do that!
Copyrighted 2017 Tamara McCarthy Enterprises
References:
All scriptures used throughout this article are from King James Version and can be found on http://www.biblegateway.com
When I was, a kid attending Frederick J. Schulze Elementary School in Detroit Michigan, my classmates would use “Bad Words: while whispering to each other. The “cool” kids would say these “bad words” during conversation, but even the cool kids would avoid allowing their hushed voices to be heard by the teacher. I wonder if the grown-ups at the school ever knew that some of the kids spoke these words?
Check out the audio version of this blog here:
Once I hit Beaubien Jr. High school, the “Bad words” evolved into cussin’ and the hushed voices grew louder and became more direct toward certain classmates. I frequently found myself being the target of some of that language as the class bullies seemed to resent everything I wore, everything I smiled about and every “A” that I earned. I knew that I wasn’t a B-I-T-C-H, but just having that word slung in my direction stung a bit more, each time I heard it.
I grew up attending and being blessed by memberships in two Detroit churches. I was baptized and raised at Beth Eden Missionary Baptist Church, and at the age of twelve my spiritual growth enlarged through my membership at Hartford Memorial Baptist Church. Now, I don’t know about other churches or other religions but I do know that EVERY BAPTIST CHURCH I have ever attended always leads you in a song that goes a little something like this:
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer – Amen, Amen, Amen.
Now, did I know that song that we sang was a scripture? Nope! Did I know that while singing that song in church, I was basically saying out loud that I wanted the words that came out of my mouth to be acceptable to God? Nope! “DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?!”
Once I “grew up” and lived on the college campus, I cussed “like a sailor” because I was “GROWN!” My mama wasn’t around to smack me in the mouth and everybody else on the campus of Wilberforce University was cussing’ too! That’s when one of the professors mentioned a study that has stuck with me all these years later. Now, don’t quote me on it but the study said something about the use of vulgar language reflecting the ignorance and poor vocabulary skills of the word cussin’. Well, I was a communications major and I planned to have a career in radio, so I wasn’t about to reflect ignorance coming out of my mouth! After that lesson, cuss words only flew out of my mouth during stress or frustration… and even then, I was ashamed afterwards.
These days I will see posts on social media with letters such as “WTF” or “LMFAO”. These letters are sometimes even posted in a sentence meant to bring humor or accolades, but once I see that letter “F” or letter “A” in there, I get a little sad. As an adult, we now refer to this language as “Profanity” and although it is no longer directed at me, I still shudder when I hear it spoken; just hearing swear words can make me sad.
“A group of researchers from Kno.e.sis Research Center, Wright State University near Dayton Ohio studied why people swear in the online world by collecting tweets posted on Twitter. They found that cursing is associated with negative emotions such as sadness (21.83%) and anger (16.79%) thus showing people in the online world mainly use curse words to express their sadness and anger towards others.[20][21]” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Profanity)
You see, our words reflect what is growing on the inside of us. Kinda like if you ate something last night that doesn’t agree with your tummy, you will find yourself on the toilet by the next morning. That mess was on the inside of you, so it came out. Cussin’ reflects something rotten inside of you, so it falls out of your mouth just as easily as that diarrhea plopped outta your butt!
My mama was a holy thing when she lived on Earth. Even though our mama cussed, I didn’t cuss around my mama (I didn’t want to get a spanking, so that motivated me to keep my mouth clean!). My husband is a holy thing as he represents the way God loves me in this season of my life. I don’t cuss around my husband. Just looking at him reminds me that I am loved and respected and appreciated, so I don’t have a reason to cuss him out! (lol). I am a temple of the Lord and I invite the Lord to live inside me. I don’t cuss around my temple…I don’t cuss around myself. I love myself and respect myself, so I don’t cuss in my conversations or in my writings.
Wikipedia reflects that “profanity has come to mean any socially offensive language beyond that strictly religious sense, but tends to exclude any other nonverbal communication. Thus profanity in English may be synonymous with bad language, strong language, coarse language, foul language, bad words, vulgar language, lewd language, choice words or expletives“. – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Profanity
On the Sunday, November 20, 2016 ministry broadcast from Pastor Ron Carpenter, he taught that there was a lesson in the bible where a group of people had been led by Moses to a place where they were to drink water. When the people tasted the water, they found that it tasted bitter and later, scientists tested the water and determined that the bitter taste was the result of a laxative component that would help flush your system. Ron Carpenter offered that God led those people to the water to get that bad taste of their past slavery out of their systems. http://www.roncarpenter.com/on-demand/detox/
What do you need to get out of your system?
If you don’t get it out spiritually, it will fly out of your mouth offensively.
(Thank you, Jesus!)
On the Sunday, November 20, 2016 broadcast from Pastor Jesse Duplantis, he taught on first fruits and on giving God your best. He visually taught that God gave us HIS first fruit in that he gave us His first son. Why don’t we give God our best language of respect, praise and gratitude and cleanse our minds and our tongues from foul language? Why don’t we give OURSELVES our first fruit of a sweet language on our lips and not the bitter words that fly out and offend?
God gave us his best when he gives us his grace and mercy and when God spoke, he created wonders and lifestyles and an home for us! When we speak to the waitress, she brings out the best meal that can be prepared for us. When you hear those words “I Love You”… do you want to hear a cuss word thrown in that statement?!?
Today, let us all strive to “clean up our act” and mentally “wash our mouths out with soap”. Listen to the lyrics of the music you are feeding into your ears. Is it laced with profanity and sexual references? How does that make you feel? Do you find yourself quoting those lyrics? Would you want someone referring to you in the way those lyrics refer to another in that song?
Today, let us all strive to replace one curse word at a time with a new vocabulary word in our speech and in our writings. “WTF” can now be “WITW” (What In The World?” comes from my anointed daughter Jasmine…thanks Princess!) I prefer ROTFLOL to LMFAO (why do I have to refer to myself as FAT, anyway! Hmmph). Today, let us be a “Shining Light of Language” (SLOL) for someone else while we are talking to them; when they realize that each word coming from your mouth is positive and encouraging… they may catch on and repeat your example!
One of the greatest strategies of the enemy is to divide and conquer. Satan uses this tactic on many home fronts. He uses it in families, in businesses, in churches, in ministries, etc. The enemy knows if he can cause any entity to walk in division, he can infiltrate and overthrow it.
This stands true when it comes to you as an individual. You are the temple and house of God. You are a tri-part being, comprise of spirit, soul, and body. The enemy knows if he can get you in conflict within yourself, and in conflict with God’s will for your life, he can misalign you from your purpose and destiny. Satan is searching for opportunities to spoil your inner peace and disrupt the unity between you and God. He wants to divide and conquer by causing you to walk in confusion, fear, intimidation, and waver in constant unbelief when it comes to the promises of God concerning your life.
This month’s Next Step Coaching For Success comes to admonish you not to be ignorant of Satan’s devices lest he gains the advantage over you (II Corinthians 2:11). Be conscious of the schemes and plots of the enemy. Don’t let the evil one cause division among your members and misalign you from God’s purpose. Be determined to stay single-minded and focused on the plan of God for your life. Especially if you are in leadership, because others are following your lead.
Your Next Step Coaching For Success Minute:
Identify the parts of you that are in constant conflict
What are the root causes of the conflict?
Seek God for grace to overcome and to remain undivided in your members
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