First of all, this post isn’t about bashing or putting down anyone! It’s all about respect and both parties learning and knowing how to respect the other person and having boundaries!
Have you ever heard the saying “you teach people how to treat you?” My uncle told me something similar years ago; and I always remember his words. Especially when I find myself in a situation where someone isn’t fully respecting me, my time; my space, etc.
As a single mom I shouldn’t have to accommodate; baby daddy and make his life easier! It doesn’t work that way; it’s suppose to be treated like a partnership; 50-50; right?
Without telling all my business and making him look like a real deadbeat; I will share some of what I am constantly going through with this dude; because I know other single moms can relate!
He says he will get the kids this day or that day and then at the last minute; he can’t get them anymore! There have been numerous times he didn’t even say anything; he just didn’t show! Each time I have had to pick the pieces of my boys hearts up off the floor; me not him! I have to deal with their anger of why he didn’t come and get them; me not him!
So over the years I have had to take a stand and say no more! I have a back up option just in case he doesn’t show up; so their hearts aren’t completely crushed! This recent incident I gave him the common courtesy to work out a day that I could drive them halfway to him (because he never wants to drive the whole way) and he never responded! So I got my back up plan in place and it was smooth sailing until 3 days later; he wants to respond and tell me not ask, this is when I can get them. Excuse me sir; we have plans and we aren’t changing them to accommodate you!
How dare I do that? It’s sad, but after all these years this guy still doesn’t respect me and never will! I understand this and realized this years ago! You control how people treat you! You can’t continue to allow people to walk over you and use you as their door mate!
Have you heard this saying? “You reap what you sow!” This is another saying that I keep in the back of my mind; and it applies to all of us. I can only control what I do and how I react to things. Am I being difficult; no I am just asking for the same courtesy; respect!
Even though he doesn’t respect me; I respect myself. I put those boundaries in place and he can’t cross them; because I am in control of my thoughts and how I react!
How many of us; as single moms, have bent over backwards to accommodate baby daddies; who don’t respect us or care how they hurt our children when they don’t do right?
When will it stop?
I had a pastor tell me; I should do everything in my power so my kids can see their father! Really, when he doesn’t even want to lift a hand? When he doesn’t respond to a simple text or call? When he goes out of his way not to pay child support? I’m sorry; who is that helping?
This is the reality of so many women, single moms and their kids! This is the life we live; not the life we have chosen….
Written and published by Tamara McCarthy
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I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!
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