Category: Single Mom

From the Desk of a Single Mom: Our Very 1st Home….Thank You Jesus!!

Can I brag on My God! God did it! We sometimes want to take credit for the things that happen in our lives! But, I can’t and won’t do that today! Some of us just won’t give credit where it is due! I won’t be one of them!

On 5.11.18 my children and myself were able to secure our very 1st home! That’s a big blessing; one that we can’t take any credit for! So many of us fail to realize that we don’t have total and complete control of what takes place in our lives! Yes, we can get a job and make a bunch of money (some of us) and we can buy all the nice shiny sparkling things; that people will ooh and ahh over but none of that makes any difference if you don’t have God in your life!

Buying a house isn’t a fun and easy process! If you got cold hard cash; then maybe you won’t get the headache! But, when you have to deal with sellers, mortgage companies, banks; etc those headaches are numerous! Your credit score has to be on point! Your bank account has to be at a certain level because you have fees on top of fees you will have to pay out. Did I forget to mention that I didn’t go through one of those 1st time home buyers class? I skipped all over that step; lol! I dove in head first and had no idea what I was getting myself into!

My parents where home buyers before but I was a child when that process took place for the first time; when my dad brought another house years later; he made it seem so easy I didn’t even ask about all the mishaps that could take place. I didn’t tell too many people I was looking to buy because:

  1. I didn’t want to hear any horror stories!
  2.  or do you think your ready?
  3. or really; you think you can handle that?
  4. I don’t know if the market is good for that.
  5. or people counting my coins!
  6. and I didn’t want anyone telling me what God couldn’t do!

I don’t know about you but as a Single Mom; people always feel like you don’t have it all together and need their two cents! Now, don’t get me wrong I love some good sound advice but don’t treat me like I haven’t been raising my kids all this time by myself! I know what I can and can’t handle! And I got a pretty good head on my shoulders and a big decision like this I checked with my Heavenly Father first! He knows what the forecast is before any of us even open our eyes!

You see, when we moved into our last apartment 06.08.17 I wrote a note and put it on my prayer wall! It basically was me saying this had to be it with this apartment living! I was done with it! I was tired, my kids were tired and we wanted better for our lives! We grew tired of all the rules that these apartment communities enforced! They basically had the keys to come and go as they pleased while you were paying the rent! Every time we turned around they were having inspections for this and for that; people all up in your living space. You could park here; but you can’t park there! You can have these many guests over and they have to leave at this time! They charged you for everything; gym key, washer and dryer, updated appliances; jeez really! I was putting out so much money and I knew there had to be a better way.

I would often dream about the day when we could have our own; I prayed for it, I put it on my vision boards; until the last vision board that I did, I just felt it was already done! No need to look for and paste these pictures of houses and what they would have inside of it anymore!

We started the journey almost 6 months into living in that last apartment. I called up a friend that also happens to be a realtor and told him I was ready to start looking for a house! I didn’t know chicken squat about what I needed to do or have; I just knew I was ready! He began to send me listings and gave me the name of a guy at the mortgage company and we were on our way! I wish I could tell you that it was smooth sailing; it wasn’t! The whole process was stressful! Any time you want to upgrade your life; the enemy will be on full alert and the attacks will begin! How dare you think that you deserve more? Better? How dare you?

Let me tell you something! I kept on full steam ahead! My Heavenly Father sent his “only begotten son so that we can have life and have it more abundantly” I wasn’t backing down! And you know some may say; well where is this house? Is it up on a hill? Is it 2 stories high? Is it in a gated community? Does it have those high vaulted ceilings? Are there chandeliers hanging throughout? All that is materialistic and isn’t everlasting! God knows I am a simple chic and that the memories we will build here are far more valuable then all that material stuff!

When I walked into this home; I felt at HOME! I didn’t want to leave! I could feel the joy radiating off the walls! I could feel the laughter! I could feel my kids feeling safe and secure! I could feel God blessing us over and over again! We put in an offer and it was accepted! Yes God! But, I have to add there were many houses before this house! Some far more better, had much more land, had even more rooms and space! There was 1 house that was completely renovated! Had the biggest backyard I’ve ever seen and a garage with the exact washer and dryer set I’ve always wanted; but I didn’t have any of those wonderful feelings I experienced in the home we chose! I wasn’t going to settle because my eyes were fascinated at what I saw! The enemy knows what you like; but God knows what you need!

Every morning I get up I still can’t believe it! Our very 1st Home; I could run, yell and scream and not have to worry about anyone living under us calling and complaining about the noise! I don’t have to wait to vacuum until its almost afternoon time because you might disturb the neighbors! The neighborhood is so calm and peaceful! My neighbors are nice and friendly! My kids haven’t fought not once since we moved in! I have an island in my kitchen! Every place we have lived in the past 5 years the kitchen was so small; we all couldn’t fit in there! Our kitchen now can fit all the kitchens from all our past places! Only God!

Let me tell you this if nobody else has: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE WHEN YOU HAVE GOD IN YOUR LIFE!

I’m still a Single Mom, still haven’t found the right career path but let me tell you this; we aren’t living in another apartment because God said it was time to advance!! I don’t question when God moves anymore! I used to get frustrated with him; like come on God when is something going to happen! When will I get married? When will I stop living paycheck to paycheck? When will my books start being on women’s bookshelves and in their hands? When? Our time isn’t God’s time! When He says it is time; then we better be ready! Are you ready? Are you ready to advance? What actions are you taking? All I had to do was “write the vision and make it plain!” NO MORE APARTMENT LIVING IN 2018!

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

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From The Desk of a Single Mom: Baby Daddy Syndrome; It’s Time to Heal…

How many of you single moms are still hurt over your baby daddy?

He left you for other woman?

He left you to raise the kids all alone?

He doesn’t respond when you call or text?

He doesn’t spend time with his kids?

He doesn’t provide any kind of support?

I can keep going but I think you get my point!

There are so many young ladies and women still hurt about baby daddy! Chasing him down; stalking him! Why? He has shown you his true intentions! He has shown you his real character! Even before he left or you kicked him out; he was acting and doing the same things. Why are you surprised or hurt? You thought he would change? People only change when they want too! Not when you put demands on them that don’t fit into their lifestyle! He is good playing around in these streets; why would you want to be apart of that! Why would you want your kids to be included in that kind of life? Nobody wants that kind of drama! Yes, I know it’s hard but he isn’t going to make it any better!

I am speaking from experience! I got tired of all the other women staking their claim, calling his phone all times of the day and night, I got tired of finding weave strands in my car (I wasn’t wearing wigs or weave back then); why put yourself through that?

Love, doesn’t hurt! Love, doesn’t abuse, Love doesn’t use, Love doesn’t mimic, Love doesn’t walk out the door into the arms of another woman!

We all know 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; memorize and meditate on it! This is what real love looks and feels like! Not some cheap version some of these guys are pushing around and distributing to unsuspecting candidates!

The best thing I could do was to release! I had to Let Go and Let God! This wasn’t going to be my Battle anymore! I wasn’t going to be hung up on a grown boy; who didn’t respect or love me! Who didn’t want to handle his responsibility as a father! I had to take my power back; get my life and raise my kids the best I could; with the help of my Heavenly Father!

Yes, some of you have your squad, your village, your circle; but hear me when I tell you; you need some God in your life! When you can’t reach anyone else; He is always there!

Unlock the chains of that Baby Daddy Syndrome! Break-Free….

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

From The Desk of a Single Mom: Summer-Time Blues…Not Really…

It has been a minute since my last post. I have had lots to share just no time to share it; being a Single Mom; it seems as if your time is always sucked away before you get to use it, lol.

Can you believe school is almost out? Thank you Jesus! Are you excited that school is almost out? Or are you dreading your electricity bill going up or no food being in the refrigerator?

Look I don’t know about you but I go to the store frequently even when they are in school! They are growing boys and they have to eat! You have to utilize the power within the household; so you’re going to get a bill! There are just some stuff you just can’t get around!

Now, I didn’t always think this way! I used to be one of those parents that complained about the no food and high electric bill during the summer; but then I changed my thought process.

My mind is at ease during the summer because I know for sure they are safe and sound! With everything going on in the world and in schools today; any parent would be on edge.

For me; I don’t have to drag my middle-schooler out of bed every morning, in the summer! Yes Lord; lol, he can sleep in all he wants too! That process every single morning during the school year; gets a little old after the first week of school. (Did I mention that he is taller than me and I have a bad back from a car accident?) Yes, so I can definitely use a break in the summertime!

My mornings aren’t rushed in the summer! I can have extra time to get some stuff done. Rushing to get yourself together, helping your kids get ready, making breakfast, reading your bible, saying your morning prayers; etc. Doing this on a daily basis; while you know it needs to be done; you welcome a break when you can get one!

1. If you’re a single mom dreading the summer and your kids being out of school; what are some positive ways you can deal with the situation?

2. How can you change your thought process?

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

From the Desk of a Single Mom: Help Me Sweet Jesus…

People on the outside looking in will tell you; you’re doing something wrong! So-called experts will say; “you have to get to the root of the problem”; but what do you say Single Mom?

When you are having trouble at home with raising your kids and getting them on the right track; what do you do?

There is no dad to call; because he doesn’t care. The outsiders and experts will question why; you know why because you’ve been down this road before! You call or text and he ignores you. He did the same thing when you were together and he didn’t want to be bothered; so what do you do?

As a single mom you keep putting one foot in front of the other! Stopping to complain; gets us nowhere! Calling him until he answers; doesn’t get us anywhere! Screaming and shouting; gets us nowhere!

Our kids still need to be raised! Bills still need to be paid! Food still needs to be prepared! Homework still needs to be done! Yes, people will say that “prayer changes things” but we need to change as well!

Our attitudes and reactions need to change! Our mindset has to change! Thinking and speaking positive goes along way!

Being a single mom isn’t easy and yes the road is a long one. But, if we looked towards the end result; our kids growing up to be amazing adults because we did all “we” could do; it’s all worth it! We can’t change anyone else; but, we can be the best mom that we can. With the cards we’ve been dealt and learn from our trials and tribulations and empower our kids to do and be better!

Single Mom; hold your head up high and adjust your crown!

I pray that you are empowered to continue your journey in raising your kids to the best of your ability!

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

From The Desk of a Single Mom: Cutting Corners and Saving Money….

As a single mom I am always looking for ways to save money! Living on one income gets harder and harder with prices going up all the time; so many times we have to be creative in how we budget and spend!

Something that I decided to do recently was start making my own deodorant! It’s been a couple years since I stopped buying the regular deodorant for my boys and myself; I’ve been buying all natural and it gets very expensive as a single mom!

So one night as I’m on the website where I purchase this all natural deodorant from; I got to thinking “I can make this myself; why am I about to spend $30 for 2 small jars?”. As I thought about it I couldn’t come up with a valid reason; so I closed out that website and went to YouTube! And guess what I found several videos on making all natural deodorant! All these videos showed me I only needed 4 ingredients; baking soda, corn starch, coconut oil and my choice of essential oils! I had 3 of these ingredients already at home!

So you know what I went out the next day and bought the missing ingredient for under $2; went back home and made 5 jars of all natural deodorant! These jars will last my boys and I a couple of months!!

So now that I know I can save money by thinking before I make a purchase for something I can clearly made at home; I will definitely venture out and do so!! I think I will try all natural toothpaste next! A tube of all natural toothpaste usually costs me close to $5…..YouTube here I come….

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

#SpiritualSundays: Leaving It All Behind–Evangelist Angie Bee

Leaving It All Behind

by 

“Da Queen Bee” 

Evangelist Angie BEE

I live in Daytona Beach Florida and we are blessed to now have Spring weather.  The rain is falling and the flowers are blooming.  Even my cactus has baby buds sprouting on them!

The winter weather is behind us and we look forward to Spring Breakers and Bikers arriving in our city.

leave it all behind

The new season also means a new evaluation of my wardrobe.  My husband and I are packing away the winter hats and coats and pulling out the spring dresses and shorts.  This also  means that I need to go shopping, as some of my dresses appear to have shrunk while they were packed away #Curves

let go and let God

Over the weekend I was reflecting upon the goodness of the Lord in that he forced me to leave some things behind.  When my children were aged 3 and 1, we were all involved in a head-on collision with an 18-wheel tractor trailer.  I nearly lost my leg and I was in a wheelchair for nearly two years.

A week after the accident, my mother flew to Georgia and packed up our apartment in to a storage area and flew us to Michigan in order to care for us.

The injury attorney told me not to worry about anything and concentrate on healing.

let go_1

A few months later, I called the storage area to make arrangements to send my friend to retrieve my daughter’s baby pictures and send them to me.

I especially wanted my one-year old’s newborn pictures taken on the  day of her birth.  The representative on the phone put me on hold, checked my storage container and returned to the phone with an update.

She said that my storage container had been sold at auction a few days earlier.  They had received no  response from the mail they sent to my Georgia address and did not know that I was in Michigan.

I was devastated.

Completely distraught.  I just can’t explain it…

trails and tribulations

Years ago while I was in the initial diagnosis of mental illness, my  then teenage daughters and I were evicted  from our apartment.

I had been hospitalized for attempted suicide and on the day I was released, the Sheriff came to the door.  Some dear friends rented us a moving truck to put our items in storage and my daughters and I moved in to a local hotel.

Everything we had was in that storage area… and a few months later, our items were sold at auction.

I had to choose between getting us out of the hotel, or paying the storage bill.

I left the old stuff behind and had faith that God would restore us with what we needed.

the boats

Luke 5:11 teaches us “So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him”. When I read that scripture, I could see that they left everything behind.

At first, I didn’t see the connection as I thought to myself “those men voluntarily left everything behind to follow Christ”.

walk away

But then, God showed me the connection.  It doesn’t matter if you voluntarily leave it behind, or if it is snatched from your hand… you MUST leave the old behind!

Leave the old painful memories behind!

Leave the old regret behind!

Remove those old habits and faults

behind and reach towards something new!

Pull up your boat and wait for the Lord

to fill it up with something new and watch

to see how He blesses your life.

endless blessings

I can’t believe how God has now blessed me now!

I have three closets FULL of clothing.

I have racks of shoes and purses and drawers of hats and wigs.

I have more makeup now than what I had when I was selling it and I have more gold and costume jewelry than I know what do to with.

My husband furnished his home so adequately that when we married, I couldn’t think of a thing to add!

We have multiple couches, tables, dishes, linens, appliances…the list goes on!

We could probably furnish a second home with the stuff in our garage alone!

Don’t wait for God to shrink your clothes in the closet before you go shopping for something new.  Take the old items and bless someone with them!

Don’t grieve over a loss that you had no control over.

Learn something new by pulling up your boat and get ready to leave it behind because Christ is worth following!

Angie Bee

Evangelist Angie BEE

Author, Producer, Promoter and

Servant of the Lord

www.DaQueenBee.com

© 2018 Tamara McCarthy Enterprises used with permission Angie Bee Productions (Spiritual Sundays Series)

The Dating Game….

Does anyone date anymore? Y’all are going to have to help me out. I have been off the dating scene for 11 years and I know a lot has changed! When did women start asking dudes to marry them? I don’t remember none of that going down when I was dating or in a relationship; LOL.

Does a women even ask a guy out? Can she tell him that she thinks he is cute, handsome; etc. What is exactly off limits? Now I do know church folks have a totally different set of standards when it comes to dating. Many Christians will tell you that the woman shouldn’t approach a man (period). The man is supposed to find his wife; but what if he isn’t all that into his spiritual side; how will he know that she is the one?

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing; and obtains favor from the Lord” Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV)

Adam didn’t know Eve until God put him asleep! God brought Eve to Adam. But Adam had to see and notice her. His mind and vision had to match up at the same exact time. Adam was ready to share his life with his help-meet!

Men, many say are visual beings. Is that true? He has to be physically attracted to her? Adam wasn’t attracted to any of the usual creatures he had been around; that’s why God had to create Woman!

So many guys miss out on a good woman because they get accustomed to what they have always dealt with! Many aren’t looking for someone new that will upgrade them and take them to new heights; different levels! Did you recognize the second part of the scripture from Proverbs 18:22; “and obtains favor from the Lord“? What do you think that means?

I decided to pose many of these questions to some friends and co-workers; I needed to get other people’s perspective on this issue! I wanted to know what other folks were thinking!

I spoke to a few guys and a few gals; to get their perspective on the world of dating and what they thought; and this was the outcome.

The guys had no problem with women approaching them and they were even okay with a women asking them for their hand in marriage! I was shocked like where does this type of mindset come from? How would a grown man be okay with a woman asking him to marry her? Who was promoting this kind of behavior? When and where did it start? One of the guys said that the old-fashioned way has become played out and times have changed? Okay, but who changed it? Who put together the guidelines and signed off on it?

The women were a little different; some were okay with approaching guys but wanted the man to ask them for their hand in marriage! They were okay with complimenting guys and being the first to flirt and they saw nothing wrong with pursuing a man; they found themselves interested in.

Me and my renewed mindset; was like what in the world; but you know what I had to take sometime and let that thing marinate and guess what? I had the same aspect when I wasn’t fully in line with my Heavenly Father!

Before I gave my life back and hung up all that old sinful behavior; I would be the first to flirt, I would ask guys out; but I have never asked a guy to marry me; LOL, thank the Lord!! Thank you Jesus! And I also realized for me asking these guys out and having a relationship with them or fling; I was out of order!

That wasn’t my place; they weren’t the ones for me; I had kids without the relationship! Now, I’m raising my kids on my own because I stepped out of line and got mixed up with the wrong guys because I was in the wrong mindset! I used to think that we as women could do whatever we wanted! I could approach a guy and ask him out and that was okay; but for me I see now that wasn’t my place. I didn’t allow them to pursue me! Maybe they weren’t even interested in me; they just went with the flow! I had to learn the hard way that guys really don’t have to be attracted to you; to even have a relationship with you!

One of the guys I posed these questions to made a comment like this “I believe women should be able to do what men do! If they see something they want they should be able to go after it! They should be able to be bosses like men are bosses!” Dude, we are talking about relationships! Yes, women should be able to be bosses and work outside the households and get equal pay and all that; but, when it comes to relationships as a woman I for one want to be pursued! I don’t want to be chasing after no dude! Some guys when you let them know you may be interested take it the wrong way and think you are loose or desperate and then they may not feel the same and want to run game on you!

Some of you may be saying; “that’s why you still single” and it may be true! But guess what? I am drama-free and loving it. I am stress-free and loving it! Some of us women want the man to be the man; let him come find me! I want that favor that Proverbs 18:22 is talking about! Do you realize that when you are in the perfect will of God and the right man finds you; the possibilities can be endless?

Men, do you realize when you are in relationship with God and let him guide your steps and He directs You in finding the right woman; how better your life can become? Let’s say for instance you are an entrepreneur and the women you usually date are always saying you have no time for them. They want to hang out at the mall and spend all Your money and when you do make time; they don’t have time for you. They aren’t the one! You need that woman that is going to understand what you are trying to build! Someone who is going to help build right along side of you! Not spend everything you’re trying to make!

Ladies, let’s take a look at the story of Ruth and Boaz; I am sure you all have heard about it. Ruth didn’t pursue Boaz! Ruth was busy doing her thing gleaning in the fields; trying to make an honest living. Providing for her mother-in-law and her self and Boaz saw her! She found favor in his eyes! Yes, she did know about Boaz from her mother-in-law but she didn’t pursue him; she simply put herself in the place to be seen! And the report his men had given him; was a good report! She wasn’t jumping from place to place; from man to man; from club to club; from bed to bed! She was in the fields working! Ladies, when that guy asks someone about you; what will they say? 

How did this subject come up? So I told you guys it’s been a minute for me in this dating game. I thought I may have been interested in this guy; at first I really didn’t like him. When I first met him he said something that had just rubbed me the wrong way. But since then he had been trying to always start conversation with me and I admit I began to see him in a different light. He wasn’t that bad looking and he seemed somewhat intelligent but I wasn’t going to do what I would’ve done years ago! This time I was a changed woman and I studied him from afar!

He was even one of the ones I asked his opinion on the subject we are talking about; the dating game! His answers surprised me and put him back in that place where we first started and I had to give myself a pat on the back! Did I pass the test y’all? What if I would’ve approached this guy and been like hey I’m digging you; you’re kinda cute? And then I find out he is actually an idiot and likes to hear himself talk?

Man, look I’m good! Yes, I’ve been single for 11 years but I will not settle just to say I got some dude in my life! I’m good! I have my kids to think about as well and I don’t need some guy with his twisted thinking speaking into the lives of my kids! I don’t want to be out of order by going after a man that wasn’t designed to be a part of my life and the lives of my kids!

So, yes everyone is entitled to their opinions and we are all given free will to do whatever; but, is it the right thing to do?

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

Stay tuned for the book on this very subject! Writing this article was so intense for me that I was led to continue and write more about it……

Baby Daddy Season is Over…

First of all, this post isn’t about bashing or putting down anyone! It’s all about respect and both parties learning and knowing how to respect the other person and having boundaries!

Let’s begin:

Have you ever heard the saying “you teach people how to treat you?” My uncle told me something similar years ago; and I always remember his words. Especially when I find myself in a situation where someone isn’t fully respecting me, my time; my space, etc.

As a single mom I shouldn’t have to accommodate; baby daddy and make his life easier! It doesn’t work that way; it’s suppose to be treated like a partnership; 50-50; right?

Without telling all my business and making him look like a real deadbeat; I will share some of what I am constantly going through with this dude; because I know other single moms can relate!

He says he will get the kids this day or that day and then at the last minute; he can’t get them anymore! There have been numerous times he didn’t even say anything; he just didn’t show! Each time I have had to pick the pieces of my boys hearts up off the floor; me not him! I have to deal with their anger of why he didn’t come and get them; me not him!

So over the years I have had to take a stand and say no more! I have a back up option just in case he doesn’t show up; so their hearts aren’t completely crushed! This recent incident I gave him the common courtesy to work out a day that I could drive them halfway to him (because he never wants to drive the whole way) and he never responded! So I got my back up plan in place and it was smooth sailing until 3 days later; he wants to respond and tell me not ask, this is when I can get them. Excuse me sir; we have plans and we aren’t changing them to accommodate you!

How dare I do that? It’s sad, but after all these years this guy still doesn’t respect me and never will! I understand this and realized this years ago! You control how people treat you! You can’t continue to allow people to walk over you and use you as their door mate!

Have you heard this saying? “You reap what you sow!” This is another saying that I keep in the back of my mind; and it applies to all of us. I can only control what I do and how I react to things. Am I being difficult; no I am just asking for the same courtesy; respect!

Even though he doesn’t respect me; I respect myself. I put those boundaries in place and he can’t cross them; because I am in control of my thoughts and how I react!

How many of us; as single moms, have bent over backwards to accommodate baby daddies; who don’t respect us or care how they hurt our children when they don’t do right?

When will it stop?

I had a pastor tell me; I should do everything in my power so my kids can see their father! Really, when he doesn’t even want to lift a hand? When he doesn’t respond to a simple text or call? When he goes out of his way not to pay child support? I’m sorry; who is that helping?

This is the reality of so many women, single moms and their kids! This is the life we live; not the life we have chosen….

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

New Series: From the Desk of a Single Mom…

This is the first in this series that has been swarming around in my head for sometime now; I didn’t really know what my approach was going to be.

Being a single mom isn’t something you can just turn on or off. You can’t pray it away; you can’t lock it up and go back for it years later! This is constant, consistent and never ending.

Some people seem to think that it’s a simple task; but, it’s not! You always hear people saying “put it on your to-do list” “command your day”; blah! Blah! Blah! Single moms? Does any of that stuff work? Consistently?

Kids will stick a wrench and smack the hammer down on your little to-do list and your command your day mindset; lol they will crumble it to pieces!

One of my boys is the BOSS at getting mommy off-track! I try my best to start the morning off right; got my daily schedule. Get up to get all my stuff in order and when it is time for him to get ready it should be smooth sailing!

Well no; he has a new attitude every day! He doesn’t want to wear that, those socks don’t match with the pants, his shoes are touching his pants; omg it just amazes me the stuff he comes up with!

And all the while the clock is ticking away and he is bound to miss his bus; and guess what? I have to drive him to school if he misses that bus! Did I add that to my list? No, because it’s not my normal routine! I didn’t add that in my command your day priorities!

But, you know what I had to get my mind all the way right! I had to find a way to deal with this and not let it ruin the rest of my day! We as people tend to get off track when our normal routine gets messed up; our whole attitude changes! We take it out on our kids and others around us; when it’s a simple fix! Shift your mindset and your thinking! I know he is going to do this every single morning; lol and I’m ready for him! If he misses his bus; I happily drive him to school, because I prepared for it!

Many times, our kids just want our attention! They want that one on one time; and we have to carve out that time and give it to them.

This video was from this week. I couldn’t let the morning get the best of me; I had to shift my thinking! Yes it got off track. I wasn’t able to fix my lunch for the day, I forgot to make my smoothie, I woke up with a migraine/sinus headache and my son had missed his bus! But I got my mind right! I put a smile on my face! I grabbed some veggies out the fridge, took my son to school, stopped to get a smoothie and made my way to work; all with a smile on my face!

It’s all in our thinking and how our mindset is! If you think defeat; you will be defeated! If you think failure; you will fail! I don’t know about you; but I’m looking to win! Every single morning that I am blessed to wake up and be able to be the best mom that I can be to my kids; is a win in my book!

Look out there is more to come in this series…..

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

Special Edition: The Sex Talk

Are you a parent?

Have you had the sex talk with your child or children?

How did it go? Did you find out anything you weren’t aware of? Were they already sexually active? Did they already have birth control (girls) Did they already have condoms on hand (girls and boys)?

If you haven’t had the sex talk with them; who do you expect to teach them or speak with them about it? The streets? Society? School? Peers? Absentee Parent?

Do you believe that when you have the talk with them; they will listen to what you have told them? Let’s face it our kids aren’t perfect and neither were we; but you want to prepare them for the outside world and all that it involves!

I never got the talk from my parents and I can say I wish they would’ve prepared me for that part of my life! I remember my mom telling me to not have a boyfriend until I was 18 with no other explanation. As a young girl I didn’t know what to expect and she just left me hanging. Okay you said don’t have a boyfriend until I’m 18; why not? We as parents have to speak up and tell our kids what happens when you go down that road.

1. You can get pregnant! You can get someone pregnant!

2. Date rape!

3. Domestic violence!

4. Sexually transmitted diseases!

5. Reputation!

The list goes on and on but you get the picture!

Even though I didn’t get the talk from my parents I didn’t want to repeat that cycle! I decided early on that I would have the talk with my kids and let them know what they were up against! I didn’t want them to go down the same roads I had traveled! But, even though you have that talk your kids may still stray because of their surroundings and the friends they have; etc. With all the technology, we have nowadays we as parents; also have to tell them how not to use that in a negative aspect as well! Sending x-rated pics, videos and messages! That can definitely land them in big trouble!

All we can really do is lay the foundation, plant those seeds and pray they listen, understand and do what’s right.

And if they happen to go down that road and the outcome isn’t positive then we have to acknowledge what they’ve done and help them learn from it!

So many young kids are having kids and they have no sense of direction or what to expect! So many young boys leave these young ladies to do it all on their own and it’s not right!

Parents if your son gets a young girl pregnant he needs to accept his responsibility! He was part of the problem; he needs to be a part of the solution!

The way I told my boys and my daughter; “you see how I’ve struggled to provide for y’all; you don’t want to repeat this cycle! Don’t be like me; be better than me!”.

It start with us! If not us then who?

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!