I shared something on my social media pages the other day and I am going to share it here as well. Now, since I am a #singlemomofpurpose I only addressed it to single moms but it can apply to all mothers!
“Single moms, do you talk to your kids about domestic violence? Have you experienced domestic violence? Many people say that kids shouldn’t know about adult issues! #1: it shouldn’t even be an adult ISSUE at all and #2: they shouldn’t grow up believing this type of stuff is okay! If they hear and see; then why not sit down and have the conversation. I did…I chose to break the cycle. Difficult conversation to have especially when it’s their father (and even when it’s not); but it needed to be said….Our kids mimic what they see and hear (even into adulthood)“… Now, what are your thoughts?
I didn’t get too many likes or comments; which is understandable. I get it! I didn’t want to talk about being treated in this way with nobody; not even my kids; when I was going through it! I was trying to wrap my head around why I was being treated this way. I thought I was doing everything right; but guess what? The book of John in chapter 10 verse 10 instructs us that the “enemy only comes to steal, kill and destroy.” I didn’t know that back then; I thought I was doing something wrong! Nobody deserves to be treated like a piece of garbage; I don’t care who they are. What really blew my mind; both relationships that I was in; I spoke to their moms about how I was being treated and how they were beating me and you know what both of these “grown boys” mother asked me? What did YOU do to Him? What did YOU say to Him?
I couldn’t and won’t be like those mothers! Both of these mothers experienced #domesticviolence as well; so, how can you promote it? Many of us don’t get the help or counseling we need after going through traumatic experiences like this. So many of us just want to sweep it under the rug; like it never happened and forget about it! We are afraid of people judging us; because they do! People on the outside looking in; always have an opinion! People that haven’t been in this type of situation don’t understand the emotional, mental, physical or spiritual aspects that you have to try and make sense of; let alone why you stayed!
Sometimes all we need to do is listen! Don’t judge! Don’t give our two cents and don’t take sides!! Especially if you don’t know what to say or how to say it! I had someone come to me years later and apologize for their blatant disrespect. At the time, she didn’t know what to say because she had never been in that situation; but it took her that long to process; that she was wrong.
But, do use see why we need to break the curse? Break the cycle! People actually think this is okay! They always want to blame the victim and they don’t fully understand the after effects! I was messed up for years; I can’t even begin to tell you what I had to go through; but I knew that I didn’t want my kids repeating the cycle!
When you decide to become a parent; you are bringing new life into the world! You have to mold, shape and guide them; it’s not always going to easy and fun. It’s going to be difficult and trying at times; but who would you rather raise them up?
Written and published by Tamara McCarthy
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