The Dating Game….

Does anyone date anymore? Y’all are going to have to help me out. I have been off the dating scene for 11 years and I know a lot has changed! When did women start asking dudes to marry them? I don’t remember none of that going down when I was dating or in a relationship; LOL.

Does a women even ask a guy out? Can she tell him that she thinks he is cute, handsome; etc. What is exactly off limits? Now I do know church folks have a totally different set of standards when it comes to dating. Many Christians will tell you that the woman shouldn’t approach a man (period). The man is supposed to find his wife; but what if he isn’t all that into his spiritual side; how will he know that she is the one?

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing; and obtains favor from the Lord” Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV)

Adam didn’t know Eve until God put him asleep! God brought Eve to Adam. But Adam had to see and notice her. His mind and vision had to match up at the same exact time. Adam was ready to share his life with his help-meet!

Men, many say are visual beings. Is that true? He has to be physically attracted to her? Adam wasn’t attracted to any of the usual creatures he had been around; that’s why God had to create Woman!

So many guys miss out on a good woman because they get accustomed to what they have always dealt with! Many aren’t looking for someone new that will upgrade them and take them to new heights; different levels! Did you recognize the second part of the scripture from Proverbs 18:22; “and obtains favor from the Lord“? What do you think that means?

I decided to pose many of these questions to some friends and co-workers; I needed to get other people’s perspective on this issue! I wanted to know what other folks were thinking!

I spoke to a few guys and a few gals; to get their perspective on the world of dating and what they thought; and this was the outcome.

The guys had no problem with women approaching them and they were even okay with a women asking them for their hand in marriage! I was shocked like where does this type of mindset come from? How would a grown man be okay with a woman asking him to marry her? Who was promoting this kind of behavior? When and where did it start? One of the guys said that the old-fashioned way has become played out and times have changed? Okay, but who changed it? Who put together the guidelines and signed off on it?

The women were a little different; some were okay with approaching guys but wanted the man to ask them for their hand in marriage! They were okay with complimenting guys and being the first to flirt and they saw nothing wrong with pursuing a man; they found themselves interested in.

Me and my renewed mindset; was like what in the world; but you know what I had to take sometime and let that thing marinate and guess what? I had the same aspect when I wasn’t fully in line with my Heavenly Father!

Before I gave my life back and hung up all that old sinful behavior; I would be the first to flirt, I would ask guys out; but I have never asked a guy to marry me; LOL, thank the Lord!! Thank you Jesus! And I also realized for me asking these guys out and having a relationship with them or fling; I was out of order!

That wasn’t my place; they weren’t the ones for me; I had kids without the relationship! Now, I’m raising my kids on my own because I stepped out of line and got mixed up with the wrong guys because I was in the wrong mindset! I used to think that we as women could do whatever we wanted! I could approach a guy and ask him out and that was okay; but for me I see now that wasn’t my place. I didn’t allow them to pursue me! Maybe they weren’t even interested in me; they just went with the flow! I had to learn the hard way that guys really don’t have to be attracted to you; to even have a relationship with you!

One of the guys I posed these questions to made a comment like this “I believe women should be able to do what men do! If they see something they want they should be able to go after it! They should be able to be bosses like men are bosses!” Dude, we are talking about relationships! Yes, women should be able to be bosses and work outside the households and get equal pay and all that; but, when it comes to relationships as a woman I for one want to be pursued! I don’t want to be chasing after no dude! Some guys when you let them know you may be interested take it the wrong way and think you are loose or desperate and then they may not feel the same and want to run game on you!

Some of you may be saying; “that’s why you still single” and it may be true! But guess what? I am drama-free and loving it. I am stress-free and loving it! Some of us women want the man to be the man; let him come find me! I want that favor that Proverbs 18:22 is talking about! Do you realize that when you are in the perfect will of God and the right man finds you; the possibilities can be endless?

Men, do you realize when you are in relationship with God and let him guide your steps and He directs You in finding the right woman; how better your life can become? Let’s say for instance you are an entrepreneur and the women you usually date are always saying you have no time for them. They want to hang out at the mall and spend all Your money and when you do make time; they don’t have time for you. They aren’t the one! You need that woman that is going to understand what you are trying to build! Someone who is going to help build right along side of you! Not spend everything you’re trying to make!

Ladies, let’s take a look at the story of Ruth and Boaz; I am sure you all have heard about it. Ruth didn’t pursue Boaz! Ruth was busy doing her thing gleaning in the fields; trying to make an honest living. Providing for her mother-in-law and her self and Boaz saw her! She found favor in his eyes! Yes, she did know about Boaz from her mother-in-law but she didn’t pursue him; she simply put herself in the place to be seen! And the report his men had given him; was a good report! She wasn’t jumping from place to place; from man to man; from club to club; from bed to bed! She was in the fields working! Ladies, when that guy asks someone about you; what will they say? 

How did this subject come up? So I told you guys it’s been a minute for me in this dating game. I thought I may have been interested in this guy; at first I really didn’t like him. When I first met him he said something that had just rubbed me the wrong way. But since then he had been trying to always start conversation with me and I admit I began to see him in a different light. He wasn’t that bad looking and he seemed somewhat intelligent but I wasn’t going to do what I would’ve done years ago! This time I was a changed woman and I studied him from afar!

He was even one of the ones I asked his opinion on the subject we are talking about; the dating game! His answers surprised me and put him back in that place where we first started and I had to give myself a pat on the back! Did I pass the test y’all? What if I would’ve approached this guy and been like hey I’m digging you; you’re kinda cute? And then I find out he is actually an idiot and likes to hear himself talk?

Man, look I’m good! Yes, I’ve been single for 11 years but I will not settle just to say I got some dude in my life! I’m good! I have my kids to think about as well and I don’t need some guy with his twisted thinking speaking into the lives of my kids! I don’t want to be out of order by going after a man that wasn’t designed to be a part of my life and the lives of my kids!

So, yes everyone is entitled to their opinions and we are all given free will to do whatever; but, is it the right thing to do?

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

Stay tuned for the book on this very subject! Writing this article was so intense for me that I was led to continue and write more about it……

Baby Daddy Season is Over…

First of all, this post isn’t about bashing or putting down anyone! It’s all about respect and both parties learning and knowing how to respect the other person and having boundaries!

Let’s begin:

Have you ever heard the saying “you teach people how to treat you?” My uncle told me something similar years ago; and I always remember his words. Especially when I find myself in a situation where someone isn’t fully respecting me, my time; my space, etc.

As a single mom I shouldn’t have to accommodate; baby daddy and make his life easier! It doesn’t work that way; it’s suppose to be treated like a partnership; 50-50; right?

Without telling all my business and making him look like a real deadbeat; I will share some of what I am constantly going through with this dude; because I know other single moms can relate!

He says he will get the kids this day or that day and then at the last minute; he can’t get them anymore! There have been numerous times he didn’t even say anything; he just didn’t show! Each time I have had to pick the pieces of my boys hearts up off the floor; me not him! I have to deal with their anger of why he didn’t come and get them; me not him!

So over the years I have had to take a stand and say no more! I have a back up option just in case he doesn’t show up; so their hearts aren’t completely crushed! This recent incident I gave him the common courtesy to work out a day that I could drive them halfway to him (because he never wants to drive the whole way) and he never responded! So I got my back up plan in place and it was smooth sailing until 3 days later; he wants to respond and tell me not ask, this is when I can get them. Excuse me sir; we have plans and we aren’t changing them to accommodate you!

How dare I do that? It’s sad, but after all these years this guy still doesn’t respect me and never will! I understand this and realized this years ago! You control how people treat you! You can’t continue to allow people to walk over you and use you as their door mate!

Have you heard this saying? “You reap what you sow!” This is another saying that I keep in the back of my mind; and it applies to all of us. I can only control what I do and how I react to things. Am I being difficult; no I am just asking for the same courtesy; respect!

Even though he doesn’t respect me; I respect myself. I put those boundaries in place and he can’t cross them; because I am in control of my thoughts and how I react!

How many of us; as single moms, have bent over backwards to accommodate baby daddies; who don’t respect us or care how they hurt our children when they don’t do right?

When will it stop?

I had a pastor tell me; I should do everything in my power so my kids can see their father! Really, when he doesn’t even want to lift a hand? When he doesn’t respond to a simple text or call? When he goes out of his way not to pay child support? I’m sorry; who is that helping?

This is the reality of so many women, single moms and their kids! This is the life we live; not the life we have chosen….

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

New Series: From the Desk of a Single Mom…

This is the first in this series that has been swarming around in my head for sometime now; I didn’t really know what my approach was going to be.

Being a single mom isn’t something you can just turn on or off. You can’t pray it away; you can’t lock it up and go back for it years later! This is constant, consistent and never ending.

Some people seem to think that it’s a simple task; but, it’s not! You always hear people saying “put it on your to-do list” “command your day”; blah! Blah! Blah! Single moms? Does any of that stuff work? Consistently?

Kids will stick a wrench and smack the hammer down on your little to-do list and your command your day mindset; lol they will crumble it to pieces!

One of my boys is the BOSS at getting mommy off-track! I try my best to start the morning off right; got my daily schedule. Get up to get all my stuff in order and when it is time for him to get ready it should be smooth sailing!

Well no; he has a new attitude every day! He doesn’t want to wear that, those socks don’t match with the pants, his shoes are touching his pants; omg it just amazes me the stuff he comes up with!

And all the while the clock is ticking away and he is bound to miss his bus; and guess what? I have to drive him to school if he misses that bus! Did I add that to my list? No, because it’s not my normal routine! I didn’t add that in my command your day priorities!

But, you know what I had to get my mind all the way right! I had to find a way to deal with this and not let it ruin the rest of my day! We as people tend to get off track when our normal routine gets messed up; our whole attitude changes! We take it out on our kids and others around us; when it’s a simple fix! Shift your mindset and your thinking! I know he is going to do this every single morning; lol and I’m ready for him! If he misses his bus; I happily drive him to school, because I prepared for it!

Many times, our kids just want our attention! They want that one on one time; and we have to carve out that time and give it to them.

This video was from this week. I couldn’t let the morning get the best of me; I had to shift my thinking! Yes it got off track. I wasn’t able to fix my lunch for the day, I forgot to make my smoothie, I woke up with a migraine/sinus headache and my son had missed his bus! But I got my mind right! I put a smile on my face! I grabbed some veggies out the fridge, took my son to school, stopped to get a smoothie and made my way to work; all with a smile on my face!

It’s all in our thinking and how our mindset is! If you think defeat; you will be defeated! If you think failure; you will fail! I don’t know about you; but I’m looking to win! Every single morning that I am blessed to wake up and be able to be the best mom that I can be to my kids; is a win in my book!

Look out there is more to come in this series…..

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

#SpiritualSundays: Your Steps Are Ordered…..

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps”. Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)

You know I didn’t have anything planned to write about today; and then I read this scripture! Wow, isn’t that amazing? I know I was amazed!

Does it make you wonder how it would apply to other things as well? You are getting ready to go hang out with friends and all of a sudden; they call and cancel on you. You got this amazing interview lined up; for what you think, is the perfect job and they send you a letter the day before saying: we have decided to go with someone more qualified!

How would that make you feel? Either situation at face value may suck and put you in a funk; but, look at it differently. Read that scripture again but this time more slowly and meditate on its every word. “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps”. Proverbs 16:9

You were almost ready; on your way out the door but God had something else in mind for you! You called all your friends and family and told them about this interview, the company and all the money you would be making; but God has other plans for you!

Better is coming! The things that we hope and pray for can be our best in our minds but God can always go Higher, Bigger; and Better.

How do you feel when these type of situations take place? Do you talk about your friend to someone else? “Girl, I can’t believe she did me like that; I was all ready on my way out the door!” Dude, that man was talking about this party all week and all of a sudden; he gonna call and cancel on me? I wasn’t dressed yet but I was about to be!”

Sound familiar? After reading and meditating on that scripture; do you feel any different? Will you think differently next time? I will assure you there will be a next time! Learn the lesson now and change your reaction to it!

Have you ever heard that saying “you learn something new everyday?” Well I’m here to tell you that is a true saying!

What I learned yesterday; but didn’t catch it until this morning! Is that God is always blessing us! It may not look or feel like a blessing at that moment but as you take the time and internalize it and think on it; you will catch the revelation.

We don’t know what God was blocking when he cancels out our plans. He could be saving our lives! Saving us from some type of hurt or pain! When you look at it this way; you change your thinking, your mindset, the outcome and your reaction to the situation and just thank him!

Thank you Lord for stepping in all those situations that we think are good but you see it as bad! Thank you for that phone call or letter that may seem like a negative but you turned it into a positive!

If you liked this blog post; check out my many others on my website. http://www.tamaramccarthyenterprises.com

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Ladies, Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!

Special Edition: The Sex Talk

Are you a parent?

Have you had the sex talk with your child or children?

How did it go? Did you find out anything you weren’t aware of? Were they already sexually active? Did they already have birth control (girls) Did they already have condoms on hand (girls and boys)?

If you haven’t had the sex talk with them; who do you expect to teach them or speak with them about it? The streets? Society? School? Peers? Absentee Parent?

Do you believe that when you have the talk with them; they will listen to what you have told them? Let’s face it our kids aren’t perfect and neither were we; but you want to prepare them for the outside world and all that it involves!

I never got the talk from my parents and I can say I wish they would’ve prepared me for that part of my life! I remember my mom telling me to not have a boyfriend until I was 18 with no other explanation. As a young girl I didn’t know what to expect and she just left me hanging. Okay you said don’t have a boyfriend until I’m 18; why not? We as parents have to speak up and tell our kids what happens when you go down that road.

1. You can get pregnant! You can get someone pregnant!

2. Date rape!

3. Domestic violence!

4. Sexually transmitted diseases!

5. Reputation!

The list goes on and on but you get the picture!

Even though I didn’t get the talk from my parents I didn’t want to repeat that cycle! I decided early on that I would have the talk with my kids and let them know what they were up against! I didn’t want them to go down the same roads I had traveled! But, even though you have that talk your kids may still stray because of their surroundings and the friends they have; etc. With all the technology, we have nowadays we as parents; also have to tell them how not to use that in a negative aspect as well! Sending x-rated pics, videos and messages! That can definitely land them in big trouble!

All we can really do is lay the foundation, plant those seeds and pray they listen, understand and do what’s right.

And if they happen to go down that road and the outcome isn’t positive then we have to acknowledge what they’ve done and help them learn from it!

So many young kids are having kids and they have no sense of direction or what to expect! So many young boys leave these young ladies to do it all on their own and it’s not right!

Parents if your son gets a young girl pregnant he needs to accept his responsibility! He was part of the problem; he needs to be a part of the solution!

The way I told my boys and my daughter; “you see how I’ve struggled to provide for y’all; you don’t want to repeat this cycle! Don’t be like me; be better than me!”.

It start with us! If not us then who?

Written and published by Tamara McCarthy

©2018 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises

Check me out on Instagram: http://instagram.com/singlemomofpurpose and http://instagram.com/kingdomgals

Join my Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/274547549700921

Check out my books on Amazon: https://bit.ly/author_tamara

And, if this is your first time on my blog let me introduce myself.

I wear many hats! I am a Kingdom Gal! I am a Jesus Chic! I am an Author, Writer, Motivator, Single Mom and Certified Life and Empowerment Coach! I am earning my Phd in Christian Counseling; so that I can continue my passion and purpose to inspire, motivate, empower and encourage young ladies and women to live a better life!

Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this post; it is greatly appreciated!