Kingdom Gals: The Journey to Self-Confidence

Guest Blogger: Eniola Olaosebikan

Life is a journey, so is our self-confidence. It is a process that kicks off the moment we recognize the difference between right and wrong; and also the moment we become aware enough to compare our lives with that of others. It is termed a process because of its progressive nature. As a result, for every new phase of our lives, we will need an increase in confidence.

Our inability to build up confidence per time results into low self-esteem; all because we insist on using the confidence of a previous phase to handle a brand new, and at that- higher phase. This in a way can be likened to a teenager insisting on sleeping on his cot, despite his grown age. To dig deeper into self-confidence as a journey rather than just a phase in our lives or something we possess once and for all, it will be good to start with knowing what self-confidence is.

Self-confidence refers to the way we view or see ourselves. It is what we see to be the reflection of us when we look or think about ourselves: It is our inner self reflected back to our outer self.It is something we must learn and adapt to basically on our own.

In as much as factors and people may sometimes contribute to it, the bulk of the work lies on us. That is why it is called self-confidence and not people-confidence. It has to come from a place on the inside.

If self-confidence is our basic duty to carry out, how then do we generate it?

1. Spending time with God

How beautiful is it when the maker of a thing tells the product about itself? Wonderful, isn’t it? Who else can tell it better than the maker itself; the one who foresaw it, saw how good it would be and decided to create it based on the goodness formed in his heart?

The strongest form of confidence is the one we gain from the Lord- either through His Word spoken to us or the one written to us. Spending time with God as a Christian is necessary for a healthy self-worth and a great inner strength.

Spending time with God is like an exchange.  God gives us more of Himself even as He takes away (through processes) our inadequacies. The more time we spend with God, the more we get to know and discover ourselves. God exposes who we are to us (both who we are at the moment, and versions of who we were originally created to be) when we spend time in His Presence. Spending time with Him aligns us to His intent for us upon creation.

A look at the life of David, spending time with God gave him the inner strength to defeat all that needed to be defeated in his lifetime. It gave him the strength to kill bears and lions with his bare hands, and also imparted in him the knowledge to slay a man like Goliath who was not only higher than him in height, but also in battlefield experiences. Come to think of it, David was only a little boy when he defeated Goliath, how did He come about such confidence and boldness even as a little child? It was sure through spending time with God and God revealing who He really is to him on the inside, a factor that reflected not only in the way he saw himself but also the way he saw situations and related to people. His brothers, even the king at the time- Saul tried to dissuade him, but because of what He knew about God and himself, he knew he was well able and it was never about his stature or age. Self-confidence gained through spending time with God will make us defeat giants within and without.

Our self-confidence is never about what people think of us, but what we think of ourselves and the eyes through which we see ourselves. When we see ourselves through God’s eyes, we see ourselves right.

2. Spending time with ourselves

Spending time with ourselves enables us to know ourselves in possible details and the areas in which we need help/change. It helps us pay utmost attention to ourselves. Spending time with ourselves places the focus on us for better reasons; we are able to decipher who we really are away from the crowd.

When we spend time alone, we gain insights into the opinions we have of ourselves; such opinions we can easily divide into good or bad and therefore decide the ones which stays and the ones which goes.

Quite a number of people know nothing about themselves, and so, talk cheaply about themselves because they’ve not taken enough time to think about themselves and mirror who they truly are.

They simply absorb other people’s opinions (both negative and positive) about them without internally challenging them to see if that is really who they are.

Spending time with ourselves is simply paying attention to ourselves, especially our inner yearnings, opinions, desires and needs per time. It enables us to be sensitive to ourselves and our needs.

Spending time with ourselves also makes us know what soothes us and what doesn’t. It makes us fight our battles in our own skin and not someone else’. This can be seen in the life of David when Saul- the king offered him his armor. David was able to reject the armor because he knew himself duly and what he could work in.

In the end, knowing ourselves will save us from a lot of pain, shame and abuse.

3. Cultivating a reading culture

Reading opens us up and adds wisdom to us provided the right books are read.  It widens our views about life. Reading makes us grow in areas we should grow and as a result, prevents us from making mistakes that would have been made. With reading, we really don’t have to get to our old age before we begin to ooze out wisdom and act based on it.

Reading is a seed sown that grows up as a giant tree- a tree of wisdom. It literarily places a ladder at our feet; making us see wider and better. It gives us a better view of life- a much wider view and it sharpens our knowledge of good and bad. It also helps us to efficiently separate needs from wants without comparing our lives to others to determine what is needful.

Reading takes us through time and brings us wisdom. It deposits into our present the wisdom we would have gained in our old age through experience. It gives us an edge of time and the opportunity to maximize it. Besides, knowledge is the vehicle through which we travel through time to gain wisdom. Reading great books provides such experience.

4. Developing our skills.

There’s such confidence that comes out of knowing one’s value. When we know who we are and what we as individuals can offer, we will not be easily threatened (if at all we will be) by other people- especially their successes. The better we get at our skill, the more confident we become. Honing our skills and using them right contributes to our self-worth in the long run.

Conclusively, to see ourselves right, we have to be committed to the life we live. We have to be intentional to live our lives the way God intended and expects. We don’t have to be perfect to live in confidence, we only have to be receptive to God’s Word and committed to spending time with Him; and also pay attention to ourselves (especially our innermost self), and cultivate a learning culture such that will give us needed wisdom per time and help hone our skills to such level where only the best version of ourselves stares at us in front of the mirror per time. We also have to know that self-confidence is a continuous journey, never a phase. Just like our apps and gadgets, we have to keep updating it per time lest it goes out of ‘fashion’ and we find ourselves lacking in confidence once again. Different level of confidence is needed for different phases, and as a matter of fact, the higher the phase, the higher the confidence needed and required. So, it’ll be helpful to see ourselves as a constant work in progress and be willing to do all we can to become a finished work.

P.S: Only death makes us a finished work, so, till we die, we keep striving to keep ourselves upgraded!

2017 Copyrighted Eniola Olaosebikan used with Permission for Kingdom Gals Series

Spiritual Sundays: When the Blended Family isn’t an Option?

What do you do? Do you sit or stand on the sidelines and just throw your hands up? Do you reach out to the absentee parent for clarity? How do you have children but won’t be active in their lives?

There is always talk about women keeping their children away from fathers that actually want to be in their kids lives; I could never understand that! Your children should be the most important person in your life; how do you hurt them by keeping them from their fathers? Okay, so he doesn’t want you anymore? Move on; get your life! Your son, your daughter needs that bond to be Strong and unbreakable; how do you deprive them of that? The lifelong effects aren’t worth it because you have issues with him! I understand every situation is different but if that man has never hurt you or your child physically; then what is the problem?

The women that have to force a relationship with the absent father; I feel you and stand with you because I can relate! We are the ones that will move heaven and earth so that our kids can have that much needed relationship with their dad but; he simply isn’t interested! He may show up when it’s convenient for him but we have to go out of our way to make it happen!

Why Lord, because our kids crave that relationship and we want to see them happy! So many times they make the attempt and set-up a time but at the last minute call or text to cancel; do you know how that breaks a child’s heart and we have to put those pieces back together? It’s unbearable sometimes you just want to shield them from it but how do you do that?

What does the Bible say about parenting?

Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord”.

Colossians 3:21 (NIV)

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged”.

Psalms 127:3-5 (NIV)

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court”.

Matthew 18:12-14 (NIV)

“What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish”

Deuteronomy 6:6-7

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up”.

This conversation piece can be handed out in so many different ways; but the truth still remains; the children are the ones that get hurt the most!

For some of us we don’t get the option of the blended family! So many men move on to other relationships and leave their children to often; wondering what They did to deserve so much heartache and pain.

Hurt children grow up to be Hurt Adults! When will this cycle end?

2017 Copyrighted Material (Tamara McCarthy Enterprises: Spiritual Sundays Edition)

Kingdom Gals: When Opportunity Knocks

When opportunity knocks; do you go running or do you stop and pray?

Now you may ask why am I praying? It’s simple to know from who did this opportunity come!

It may very well be a test from God or a setup from the enemy! And yes it can also be a blessing but you want to check the fruit! Is it good or bad?

The book of Job gives us many examples to know the difference and also realize the possibility that it may not be what our natural eye is seeing. Everyone around Job thought and believed he had done something to be dealing with all these hardships but in fact it was God proving a point! The enemy just knew he was going to break him and he would have the victory but yet once again he was proven wrong!

In the book of Luke you see yet again the enemy is out to get you and sift you like wheat! Do you know the process that wheat has to go through?

The first step in the manual process is for the wheat to be placed on a hard surface and then beaten into the required form. The next step is to remove the parts that aren’t needed by throwing it in the air. Now that was before technology made its debut.

The mechanical process is done by cutting-scooping-throwing-separating and then being spit out into a dump truck or trailer; like its trash! Both of these processes sound painful!

When your in a negative situation it feels like your being sifted! It hurts from the cuts and the jabs that you deal with! Being treated like a doormat and being talked down too! Being kicked down and instead of someone reaching down to help you; they move in to kick you as well!

What is the point of all this? Seek out and accept the right opportunity for the right outcome! Don’t just accept something because it looks and sounds good! And the same goes for relationships! For us as women! Kingdom women you want to check the fruit, check their motives, their character, check your gut (do you get a bad feeling), check their background! Everyone isn’t who they say they are; people will get you caught up and messed up!

So when opportunity comes a knocking; check it at the door and be ready to pull back those layers to get to the root! The root will tell you all you need to know! Get ready to dig!!

2017 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises (Kingdom Gals Series)

Spiritual Sundays: Aftermath

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”. 1 Peter 5:6

What happened when Peter became afraid and began to sink? Jesus had to save him! I’m sure you have or know someone who thought they had it all together and could weather the storm on their own; but many have went down and needed a SOS signal to go out… Matthew 14:29-31

What happens when 2 people are in the ring and 1 gets knocked out?

The other person has to eventually get up and walk out the ring?. Or be carried out but you get my point; right? They have to pick up the pieces, make sense of what happened and move on, prepare and strategize.

Whenever you go through a trial, an event beyond your control and live through it; baby you can deal with just about anything! We all have been knocked down, some may have been knocked out; but we had to get up and start the re-building process!

“Jesus take the wheel” have you heard this saying?

1. Allow him to take away all your burdens and ease your mind.

2. Relax, take a deep breathe and open your eyes to the possibilities.

3. Put one foot in front of the other and stay focused; don’t get distracted.

2017 Copyrighted Tamara MCCarthy Enterprises (Spiritual Sundays Series)

Kingdom Gals: It’s Time To Forgive

How many of us are still living in the past?

Still can’t let go of old wounds?

Still won’t start a new chapter in our life?

Don’t you think it’s time to let the new you live? Haven’t you kept her locked up and locked away long enough?

We completely understand that you were done wrong! We get that; but it’s time to move past it! You’re eating your life away doesn’t help anyone; not even you! You drinking all the finest wines and liquors to drown away your sorrows; doesn’t help! You sleeping around with any and everyone that shows you just an ounce of attention; really doesn’t make you feel better.

All of this is destructive behavior that some may think soothes the pain; really doesn’t! All it does is open the door for the enemy to run havoc in your life; you’re giving him control to walk along side you to the path of no return!

Your body is a temple; that should be treated with love.

Temple: 1. any place or object in which God dwells, as the body of a Christian. I Cor. 6:19. (Dictionary.com)

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own”. (NIV)

The person or persons that has done you wrong has moved on! They aren’t sitting around giving any thought as to how they treated you; if they were that would warrant them caring and an apology would ensue! But has it? Have they told you that they were sorry? Have they asked you for forgiveness?

No, then why are you allowing them to control and ruin your life? The only life you have! You don’t get a do-over, you don’t get to try again after this one; this is it! Are you just gonna let it pass you by and let them Win?

The enemy only comes to Steal, Kill and Destroy! Isn’t it time you put a stop to that? Isn’t it time you take your life back?

Take it from someone that wanted to stop living in the past! I was tired of being stuck! I was tired of the enemy having power over me! I was in so deep I didn’t think I would be able to make it; But God! Anything is possible when you let Him in; we can’t make it on our own. Every day gets better but you have to take the first step!

2017 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises (Kingdom Gals Series)

The Change Of A Season

Spiritual Sundays:

The way this Christian Life is set-up; everyday won’t be fresh smelling roses! You will have to deal with and experience some hardship but if you don’t grow weary and keep the Faith; all will be well!

Do you trust and believe that?

Many people will say that they do but at the first sign of trouble they will panic and that’s where fear sets in!

Aren’t you a child of the Most High? Didn’t you receive his Son as your Lord and Savior? Remember the One that died on the cross for us and forgives all our sins?

When the seasons change in our lives that shouldn’t cause fear in us; it should be a time of reflection on all the storms He has brought us through! All the destruction that was going on around us and not one hair on our head was touched! That should open your eyes to how you are protected and set apart! Shouldn’t it?

Job lived through the most cruelest ordeals but he wasn’t harmed! He may have lost a lot but his Life was spared and in the end; he was blessed beyond measure!

His friends came in pointing fingers and speaking of things that they didn’t know of and couldn’t understand trying to sway Job to their way of thinking!

How many times have people tried to speak into your life and had no clue what you were dealing with? What you were actually experiencing?

Many times when people don’t have firsthand knowledge they can make things worse but when they have been where you’re at, lived through the very ordeal that you are; then they can fully relate! And not just make speculations or accusations, or assumptions!

Luke 21:25-28 and Jeremiah 5:1 (NIV)

What storm(s) are you going through right now?

What has kicked up in your life and won’t stop attacking you?

What can’t you break-free from that is seeking to devour you?

Have you called out for help? Have you sent an S.O.S?

Take the time to reflect and answer the questions that you’ve been wrestling with and read these scriptures….While it may seem hard and difficult at the very moment; just remember help is on the way…

“There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near”. Luke 21:25-28 (NIV)

“Go up and down the streets of Jerusalem, look around and consider, search through her squares. If you can find but one person who deals honestly and seeks the truth, I will forgive this city”. Jeremiah 5:1 (NIV)

Scripture references: Luke 21:25-28 and Jeremiah 5:1 (NIV) http://www.biblegateway.com

2017 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises (Spiritual Sundays Series)

Kingdom Gals: Teach Me How to Pray….

There is a difference in how you pray as a young girl versus a Grown Woman!

Praying for a middle school crush versus your godly husband is going to be a little more spirit led than “please let him like me” or “I hope he asks me to the dance”

It may start out like this: “Heavenly Father, the husband you have for me has to know how to cover me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually! He won’t allow the enemy to infiltrate our camp, covenant, household, finances, children, bedroom, etc.” Do you see the difference? Your prayer life should upgrade as you grow!

We aren’t to be selfish when we pray! We should pray for those around us as well; family, friends, co-workers, employees, employers, government entities, homeless, widows, single parents, father/motherless children, your enemies, racism, equality; etc.

We all should be praying for forgiveness every time we pray; why? Because we are all sinners! “Well then, should we conclude that we Jews are better than others? No, not at all, for we have already shown that all people, whether Jews or Gentiles are under the power of sin”. Romans 3:9 (NLT)

So as you see not anyone of us are perfect; seek forgiveness!

But the problem with this is that many don’t want to face the fact that they are wrong! How do you grow if you you keep hiding behind the mask?

You’re sleeping with married men; that’s adultery, ask/pray for forgiveness! You talk about another woman behind her back; that’s gossip, ask/pray for forgiveness! You’re giving up for body, mind, soul and spirit to a man and there is no ring on your finger, you haven’t walked down the aisle and said I do; that’s sexual immorality, fornication; ask/pray for forgiveness!

Now being that none of us are perfect there is always going to be those that say “well how can you tell someone what to do? Who do you think you are? You are probably doing the same thing; who are you to judge? And my response is I have done the very things I write about! I’m not perfect but I have changed! I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and it was a priority of mine to rid and remove anything and anyone that welcomed or encouraged negative behavior!

I had to ask and pray for forgiveness and also repent! While Jesus comes to save us and show us the right way to live we also have to do our part!

You can’t claim to be a Christian and still be sleeping around! You can’t claim to be a Christian and still speaking hate over other women!

You can’t claim to be a Christian and dropping it like its hot on Saturday nights and sitting up in church on Sunday singing and clapping your hands; it’s out of order!

We are the representatives of Our Heavenly Father! The Alpha and the Omega! The Beginning and the End! You can’t be in/of the world and claim to be filled with the Holy Spirit!

When you seek to help others it’s not always about judgement. I am a firm believer that when you make it out of negative circumstances that you help others escape as well. Daniel 3:24-25 says this “But suddenly, Nebuchadnezzar jumped up in amazement and exclaimed to his advisors ‘Didn’t we tie up three men and throw them into the furnace?’ ‘Yes, your majesty, we surely did,’ they replied. ‘Look!’ Nebuchadnezzar shouted. ‘I see four men, unbound, walking around in the fire unharmed! And the fourth looks like a God!” (NLT)

Our Heavenly Father doesn’t leave us to fend your ourselves; so, why would you leave your fellow sister to escape on her own?

To the women that are reading this I pray that you receive the message with love and kindness. I pray that you look within yourself and search for anything that isn’t of God and pray for its removal from your life!

God is love, he doesn’t partake in anger or strife when it comes to deliverance and forgiveness!
Our Heavenly Father wants to bless us beyond measure but we first have to receive Him in our lives and yes that will mean giving up some people, places and things!

We can’t live a sinful life willingly and actually believe that He will bless it. When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego stepped out of the fiery furnace they weren’t burned, they didn’t even smell of smoke; why?

Because God was with them! They didn’t deny him, they didn’t compromise, they didn’t lower their standards; they believed and had Faith that God was with them and that He would show up and show out!

So, I pray that you accept God into your life and make a complete transformation and that He will bless you beyond measure! Pray for me as I pray for you my dear sister..Amen

Scriptures references: http://www.biblegateway.com

2017 Copyrighted Tamara McCarthy Enterprises (Kingdom Gals Series)